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Roger Soh Cai Xiang
21
Nanyang Technological University
DOB: 051188

Trying to be a Godly Man

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Sunday, January 29, 2006

i hate this cny... year of the dog..

i realised that when i compared the festive seasones of xmas and cny, i realised smth..

cny celebrates the DEATH of nian...

xmas celebrates the BIRTH of christ..

the streets in cny is deserted...

the streets in xmas is packed, yet full of happy pple...

chinatown in cny are packed with fustrated perspiring people...

orchard in xmas packed with funny, smiling people...

and of course its santa vs god of fortune

enuff said

Stupid at 9:22 PM

i hate this cny... year of the dog..

i realised that when i compared the festive seasones of xmas and cny, i realised smth..

cny celebrates the DEATH of nian...

xmas celebrates the BIRTH of christ..

the streets in cny is deserted...

the streets in xmas is packed, yet full of happy pple...

chinatown in cny are packed with fustrated perspiring people...

orchard in xmas packed with funny, smiling people...

and of course its santa vs god of fortune

enuff said

Stupid at 9:22 PM

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

It occured to me today that wensley and i was preparing to the kick boxing cca when i was telling wensley i am now determined to slim down, and as usual, i broke my promise to myself..

after that cca, i was caught red handled eating 2 mcchicken at one go, and as usual, i broke the promise to myself...

like all things, i broken alot of promise to myself already, wanna study hard, wanna train up, wanna get gold for napha, everythin, and yet, none of the above is done or achieved, even when i said :' alright , fom now on i gotta stop breaking promises to myself' and yet, it never been done...

therefore, i suffer the consequences, even today, zoey also say i look fatter for no reason, ARGH! make me so angry, but who to blame? onli my self... some times i do hope i can be like the nutty professor and drink some poton to slim down, but then again, there was never a short cut to things..

wat i can do now is, try my very very best , not to break the promises i made to myself again.. I promise this to myself.... and it goes on and on..

Stupid at 5:16 PM

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

look, it occured to me when that silvia asked me a physics question and i cant answer...
and normally, i could, or maybe i took a faster time to respond...
that proved it, that is what it needed to prove it...

I slacking too much...

thats wat it have to prove....


Seeing the world fly pass me and how things change, suddenly i also noticed that me myself also changed alot, to become, a bit, ok i mean a lot, darker, not in skin colour tone like shahrin but, im becoming more, erm, evil..

although u guys may not seem to notice but i think my jokes are getting meaner day by day, and i become more and more selfish and stuff... maybe i shld stop now before it starts turning into a habit.. thats wat i fear...

what have i learn from secondary school i hope i have not forgotten, what the nuts family taught me, those virtues they had and those which help me in many ways of life, hope i juz misplace it some where only..

ok, now, at this point of time, everyone is in wonder land while i find myself in hell, i noe there are many others with ne here, but i juz duno them, i wanna be with my frens in wonderland too, but i cannot... and this type of things cannnot work for it one.. duno la..

Changes, time may change me, but i can't change time... Oblivious u still are, if u onli knew...

Stupid at 7:02 PM

Monday, January 23, 2006

It occured to me whe today i went to sted's place to learn how to play majong..
I suddenly realised that this complicated game, only requires me a few minutes to learn, but i have to play several rounds before i get the pattern of how the game goes..

similarly, actually this concept applies to many areas of our lives, for example, our studies, actually require little time to study, yet we shld practise more questions to make it perfect... but it is obviously so simple why we dont, cause we are lazy...

im slacking ever since orientation till now, my attepmt to work hard is futile, cause with so many distractions around, i could not focus.. my mind wants to do leisure stuff, yet my body wants me to do the 'official work'... its tearing me apart, thats why i choose not to do anything, cause i noe i will blow up...

sigh, things have not been that smooth for me and im been ignoring the problems i gotta solve and pay more attention to, Wake up!

this weekend is cny liao, so i hope every one have a great year in the year of the dog...
and hope we will have a smooth and fruitful future...

Criminals by nature, are a cowardly and superstitious lot.
To instill fear into their hearts, I became a bat, Amonster in the night.
And in doing so, have I become the very thing that all monsters become...
...Alone...?
~Batman Hush by Jeph Loeb, Jim Lee and Scott Williams

Stupid at 7:39 PM

Saturday, January 14, 2006

ok, 2 entries a day is wierd i noe, but im bored k?

it is sad sometimes that on the surface one may give the appearance of brilliance and wonders while deep down inside they are laterally the oposite, that v v sad.. if onli they were what i would imagine them to be lke for eternal life, how nice would that be?

have u ever seen a person in ur life that u thought that he or she is so ideal, so nice, so wonderful, so understanding.. yet after u get to noe him or her, understand the psychological conflicts in his or her mind, u start to back away, suddenly he or she doesn't even shine in ur eyes anymore, no more glimmers, his or her brightness starts to fade...

another sad truth in life... sigh, so many sad truth in life, why do we bother to endure life then?

The dark is generous.

Its first gift is concealment: our true faces lie in the dark beneath our skins, our true hearts remain shadowed deeper still. But the greatest concealment lies not in protecting our secret truths, but in hiding from us the truths of others.

The dark protects us from what we dare not know.

Its second gift is comforting illusion: the ease of gentle dreams in night's embrace, the beauty that imagination brings to what would repel in day's harsk light. But the greatest of its comforts is the illusion that the dark is temporary: that every night brings a new day. Because the day is temporary.

Day is the illusion.

Its third gift is the light itself: as the days are defined by the nights that divide them, as stars are defined by the infinite black through which we wheel, the dark embraces the light, and brings it forth from the center of its own self.

With each victory of the light, it is the dark that wins.

Stupid at 11:22 AM

Lets all face the fact, orientation is over, and its time now to buck up, to get back in reality and start to do whatever is required of us, and thats what i hated to do...

mugging during wee hours of the night and sleeping for onli 6 hours is so not me, (i need 8 to fully recharge myself).. and apart from all those physical exersices im required to do, im already tired..

with a blink of and eye, its already going to be chinese new year, how time flies, so fast, i hope this year will be much better...

yesterday night, after dinner with the clan,(which we have dinner almost everyday, so much so that my parents start thinking that im going out to meet some girls or something, which apparently is not!!) i went back home and start thinking about what my frens told me about their problems and views on the way home, and it sturck me thinking that every single person in the universe have a major fustration in mind and there is no ideal human in this world who is problem free.. that is ultimately the sad truth of life...

they also did brought up that pple do wear mask to hide their feelings and stuff like that, yup, i should noe very well which type of pple they are, however, i believe they did it for a reason, something so deep that they they wanna show what they might be thinking off.

ok, so watever i mentioned above is crap, juz trying to clear my mind of what im trying to say right here, right now.

ok, its time to face the truth, somethings in this world, no matter how much u wan it, u may never obtain it, and that is the will of ur fate. and i juz noe that, no matter what u do, no matter how hard u try, wat u want is impossible, u could onli dream, and thats the furthest u can go, they say that if u really work towards it, u make achieve it, but i think by that time, u will already lost it forever, furthermore, many pple yearns for the exact same thing u wanted, it seems almost impossible, leave things to fate, whatever is yours will be yours, whatever is not, no matter how u try, will never be urs.. but u should still try to work ur best towards it..

which brings us to the next point, u are forever lazy, motivated in saying, never in doing cause of ur fear of hardship, u pathetic little scum which onli excel in talking but nothing else, this is ur destiny, to stay like this forvever, but for wat's worth, i duno how u could enjoy life like this...

some things u noe that it will be impossible, but whu do u still hope so much? stop it now!

the dark is generous, and it is patient,and it always wins - but in the heart of its strength lies weakness: one lone candle is enough to hold it back.
Love is more than a candle.
Love can ignite stars.

Stupid at 9:40 AM

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Yesterday was the grand finale of orientation, brilliant yet brief moment, glad for its brilliance, grief for it being brief... juz like life, no absoultes, but grey...

yesterday, during campfire, despite of the many endless problems i get, so many problems caused by my og and by others, so much fustration and stressful situation in the air, yet, i enjoyed it..

i enjoyed finding different solutions to so many problems, i love teaching my OG all those crap things that i do, spreading my cai xiang culture to every single nootka, to let tham have fun and placing their faith in pioneer...

during the finale, which is supposed to be the campfire, i let go myself, i let go all those hatred and fustrations i had during the whole duration, i let go of all the bad times we had and the disagreements

but somethings that could never be let go was the fun times we had, how i was thrown into the mud by the j1 and ogls, the funny outings, the pranks, the cheers, the friends, the nootkas, the college, my world...

i loved them all, a sense of attachment that i know will hurt so much if i was ever forced to leave,
now its the end, we can do nothin but hope and pray that the bonding made will remain with us always..

when i pinned the college badge onto the guys of 25, the guys of crabbie, i nearly cried, its like suddenly ur heart twitch so much.. i hugged every single guy i pinned on, and told them to stay in pioneer with me.. hope they will, cze yang, kevin, alvin, wei liang, yi liang, joshua, and many others... even those not in my og, marvin, you renn, many many more..

such events will always hoped that it last forever, but we know that it will iinevitably slip pass us with time, all we could do is place all the things that happened in our mind, for eternal life...

you killed her because, finally, when you could have saved her, when you could have gone away with her, when you could have been thinking about her, you were thinking about yourself...
It is in this blazing moment that you finally understand the trap of the dark side, the final cruelty of the Sith-
Because now your self is all you will have.
~ Star Wars Revenge Of The Sith by Matthew Stover...

Stupid at 6:49 PM

Sunday, January 08, 2006

with more than a week of shouting, crapping, laughing ,and cramping, this whole thing is going to end, so soon, as soon as this monday... its rather sad sometimes, knowing that when this ends, we will juz be saying hi to each other instead of going out almost everyday and going home at 12...

All things die... Even the stars burn out..

this is why we must learn to let go, not only learning to let go on the things we should let go, but also learning to let go the things that we dun wanna let go..

Sometimes, to do whats right, we have to give up the things we want the most, even our dreams...

yes, thats the sad part of life, things come and go, and we muz learn to adapt...

tribute to the Nootka clan, i really, really, really, enjoyed the days we were together, despite the fact that we argued, we screamed, we ignored... that is possibly because we feel when we do things, unlike doing things blindly...

Zhao Qi, been a great man, in fact, e has been the man that i always dreamed to be, a man with unresistable charisma, overwhelming care and concern towards both the male and the female, love for his fellow men, and emhasises on welfare of his men under his wing... no one could ever replace him as our clan master..

Christine, been a fantastic partner, being ultra helpful in many things, initiates the first move in helping others, her care and concern for the og touches everyone, despite her dedication to the outside world, she never forgets her responsiblities here.. and i swear that no one could work more better with me than Christine herself...

Grace, been a loud speaker, and lets all face the fact, without her, out troubles or worries wouldnt be voiced. nootka is where we are rite now is thanx to her, cause she is not afraid of showing whatever she finds her men are disadvantaged and show it to the higher authority..

Jieyi, been a funny little girl in some cartoon, she never fails to make me laugh, damn humorous in a way, take it from my view, humming tunes and shaking her head in a crowded bus, who the heck does that anymore.. falls down in front of the og, and always been like a sun where never sets.. forever there for u to laugh at..

Jia xin, dodgeball queen, also devoted to the outside world, on the fone for 3 hours and stuff, kinda silent as what i think, no literally, u can see her scream at u in ur ears when u call her thin and stuff, but she doesnt speak things out thats what i feel..

Marilynn, barbie doll, something bout her is so wierd that makes me feel she's artificial, i duno wat.. but she's been great, kinda funny, scream ao loud, beind the most rugged girl in the vlan and stuff, spending time and money on things u noe... list goes on...

yvonne, same to marilynn, onli a little wee bit more silent than her, fierce as usual also, and heck u wanna see the way she laugh, like asthma, big eyes and stuff, duno how she work with sharin, knowing that he a bit.. er... lazy.. so i think yv screams her head or smth..

Shahrin, the good boy in the beng clan, very exceptional, very funny, very strong very sexy...
he care alot for his og also, like telling me how to speak to his og bout the shirt size thing, u can see from his eyes the agony he is going thru.. but i think he also got times when he have fun la, can feel his disappointment though, knew he expected something more, but i think he is grateful for what he have liao..

Song Hoe, damn good man, sometimes a little tooo good, i play jokes on him until the extreme and he still not angry with me one, i duno why, the most he say is, ' i scold u ah!' then i continue whacking him, hahaha, so funny u muz see him for ur own self...

Yong Hao, been a great thinker, a great ic, i know sometimes i like become very irritating and make him very angry, but he can tahan, me, can see one, he juz kept silent.. like all things.. he juz kept silent.. but he help out alot la, he speaks out when its time to speak and stuff.. ya.. thats why he's good..

Yuan Xiao, trust me, the first time i see u and nw i see u, u changed so much, but continue changing k? i really liked u now, being enthu and stuff, but i can see that sometimes, u are unhappy when things never turn out the way u expect it to be, understand that sometimes things are like that and what we can do is juz to accept it one, cause we already had done our best..

thats all the Nootka ogls, sorry i left the coucillors out cause its tedious to continue writing all the names, but u noe it in ur hearts that i love u all rite?

Whats over is to be remembered, and whats coming is to be faced... May the memories be remembered...

Stupid at 10:07 AM

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