Why do we love?

Stupid at 9:15 PM

TADA!!! new year must got everything new... NEW blog skin!!! YAY!! New everything u noe... new shirt, new toys, new hairdo, new chracter, new food, new pants, new books, new gf.. opps.. hahah.. nah...

u noe wat? i gonna write my new year resolutions here manz.. yeah.. right here right now..

here goes nothing...

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS 2007

1) I wanna slim down and be fit like any normal guy in my class... ok.. i noe.. i'm considered as the 3 letter word that starts with an f there.. but i dun want to ok.. i juz cant help it...

2) i wanna change my chracter also.. be more disciplined, more hardworking and train more... one day i will reap the fruits of the hard work...

3) i wanna master something next year, regardless of the following few.. piano, guitar, stunts, biking, singing, gaming, and many more...

4) gonna make more frens

5) oh.. this suppose to be number one.. but nvm.. closer walk with God..

6) make exercising my habit

7) learn to be a gentleman

8) and roough enough when needed

9) stay positive at all times

10) make everyone around me happy... no matter what it takes...

thats it! yay!! haha... glad junior tag sayin that shes enlightened... yeah.. its another year man.. all our sins are washed again... 365 more days to the year 2008...

oh.. i also be getting my results at march.... shit..

pray for me k?

<------Fine.. maybe i'll stop biting my finger

<--ok.. i'll stop biting...

<---- i promise....

Lame...

Stupid at 9:15 PM

Thursday, December 28, 2006

watched deathnote 2 today with wensley and keng loong

went to the grand cathay and watch.. kinda kool place...

and i saw manny girls dress themselves up to look like misa misa in the deathnote... all of us were like drooling... Xp...

ok.. kinda sad actually cause everyone died...

and i think the movie lacks the kind of kick for me to say the movie its good kinda thing... but overall its not bad...

yeah..

then we walk to Plaza sing

and it was raining,and i suddenly got this thought of what i found a dry spot where deathnote on the floor... in other words.. i will not use it to write the names of the pple just to kill them, what will i do? then i made a list...

1) since deathnote cant get wet, cause the rain jus avoid the notebook.. i'll use it as an umbrella to cover myself!! haha

2) use the note book to do notes for chemistry? yeah... kool black notebook for chemistry stuff... maybe i'll write CSF name.. heheheh...

3) use the paper to fold paper planes.. create the best paper plane ever.. fly the furthest... waterproof too!

4) maybe paper swans too...

5) ok.. lets juz say its water proof origami ok...

6) maybe i throw the book in the middle of the sea and it can open the sea like moses...

7) yay! can see a shimigami ( death god ) then can have someone to talk to..

8) tear the paper out and crush it to wipe glass and windows...

9) draw on it? i think the shimigami seeing me draw will laugh to death

10) i still like the magic of no water can land on it.. so i tear the pages out to make a paper poncho.. or maybe wrap it around stuff that i dun wanna get wet.. like wrap around my files and bring to school kind of thing

such a useful book... and yet they have to use it to kill others... sigh...

the world gets so dark everyday.... stupid rain

Stupid at 7:52 PM

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

i felt so cheated....

A christian cant marry a non christian... wat the law is that...

no matter how many pple gonna convince me.. i still feel cheated...

and my buddy there didnt say anything...
xmas and new year is gonna make me fat....

gotta work out alot alot alot...

feeling cheated...

i feel very sad suddenly leh.. no rhyme or reason.. maybe cause of the cold rainy night ba... i hate such nights... cause i will wonder whther i should on the air con when i sleep...

everyone is depressed.... wens is depressed cause he is bored.. junior is almost depressed everyday... charis is depressed probably cause her names sounds like curry with an 's'... and the rest of them is depress is because of the dark rainy nights...

and im very very depressed...

all those non- christian girls!!!!!

oh man... a forest swept away...

Stupid at 8:28 PM

Sunday, December 24, 2006

supposedly... chirstmas is the season not only to be jolly, but also to bring the christ out of CHRISTmas... and a good way to do that is to learn to be christ like...

unfortunately.. no many people are willing to be good little saints.. thats why i got a little kinda agitated... but gotta supress my anger, cause gotta be christ like...

hohoho and a bottle of rum... merry christmas! yay! its finally here... and frens showering me with gifts while i shower gifts to others.. yeah.. and u see those enlightened little faces... yeah.. and that cute Linnet running along there.. hahaha... so cute sia..

i need some volunteers to do some volunteery work from 26- 31st dec... at my archery club... so if anyone who is free and has nothing to do within that period, pls do tell me and we'll do something about it... PLEASE!!!! tolong tolong.... i need HELP...

yeAH... trm 25 and i gonna go down orchard and gurad the floats with my frens... magical moment there... i thnk i gotta have a lot of fun playing with my frens over night...

merry cXmas...

silent night... holy night.. all was calm... all was bright...

Stupid at 6:14 PM

Saturday, December 23, 2006

merry christmas to all...

its the season to be jolly... but not very jolly when u have an upset stomach.. yeah.. nothing could cheer my stomach up.. not even chips...

ya.. and its so upset that i kept giving gas or some sort and when to bomb hiroshima 75 times a day... awww... i wonder what i ate...

maybe its that e33 that i drink with ben and xuan...

yeah.. aww... feels so wierd...

note to self : too much computer games but myself into drowsiness and diziness.. maybe i shld stop and pick a book and read...

oh man... i hate games and slacking at home... i wanna go to school...

Stupid at 9:18 PM

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

today i went to the youth retreat.. and i made great discovery....

i discovered that what i expected in others is not what it seemed...

Wensley is not alwaysthe all so ever strong and cocky guy that i've always look up to...

Melvin not always the best confident leader who makes no flaws i always thought...

Joo Wei is not always the carefree kor kor that i see...

Joo Leng is not always the smart girl who score As everytime i see her results...

Deaconess Xiu juan ( i think shld be like this spell ) is not always the strong motherly figure who have no fear...

the rest of the guys i think i need to noe them a bit more... sorry guys..

but the point is, we have always visualise how our world would be like... how people that i see, act and think.. and how i expect out of them...

and when we sit together and gain enough trust to one another, we reveal out true self.. we found out that.. they are no different than u, or me... we are all afraid of worried about something...

and that is where God steps in and shine his light of glory in the dark parts of our life... miraculously. everything turns beautiful when we see the picture as a whole...

Stupid at 6:58 PM

Monday, December 18, 2006

Today, i attained enlightenment... thanks to my buddy wensley..

Man, how stupid i have been being Mr-all-so-negative... ya, and i think i have hurt Junior in the process and of course, my heavenly father's heart...

Yes, i agree that at many things, i dont do well, like studies and recreational activities... but like what the all so many people told me, i make frens easily, i dont noe how to, if u ask me to write a step by step way of making frens, i will just stare into thin air giving a stupid look... well, yeah, and out of the 18 years finally i acknowleged this attribute... it does help..

actually, its an heavenly gift... like wens said in the Mr. Genius tone: ' that's great, U've received The Calling!' for non-believers it actually means u achieved enlightenment about your purpose in life...

Yes. many of us feel that we have no purpose in life.. just like me when i was a day or 2 ago... u play pool u got thrashed, u play DOTA u got owned, u study, u never be the best, u learn music and u suck... i seriously, deeply, know, how it felt like... like u feel like commiting all your life in learning all the attributes and excel in them all and thrash them back... so Dr.L. Wensley.W comes in again and rebutted : 'so what u beaten them? u feel happy for a split second, and then u are back to reality, u are still wanting to beat more people...'

"OUCH!" yup. that hurts, cause it hit the spot.. but of course me the CX guy trying to keep a tough front brushing the statement away with a ' well.. thats true..' and gave a snort...

i finally found my purpose after talking with my godly brother.. and i feel good about it... and i gonna fulfill my purpose right after the SERVE programme...

Thank you , Lord.. bless you...

There are 2 ways that each of us can approach life : spending our days meeting our needs or looking for ways to meet other's needs. The mystery is that when we spend our life focused on our needs, we are never satisfied and our deepest needs never seem to be met. But when we pour out our life and focus on how we can serve others, we find not only incredible fulfillment but our deepest needs are met as well! Learning to serve leads to the happily ever after finish you've always dreamed of.
-Eric and Leslie Ludy
authors of When God Writes Your Love Story

Stupid at 7:09 PM

Have u guys every felt like hiding your face foreverfrom the world and just want to be some one anonymous? ya, i did.. always...

its always those lonely raining nights that i always thought of such thngs...

u look out the window, u see the cold dark night.. where everything is so silent...

an optimist tells u that its actually peaceful...

an pessimist tells u that the night is filled with unsung sorrows...

nights like this, makes me feel like running away from this insane world.. as i consider myself as the latter.. the only way is to put on a mask, hide ur face, ur identity, basically u'll be offered a new lease of life, where people is oblivious of...

if there is a restart button in my life, i will just hit it.. caue i found out i really wasted a lot of my time in my life.. and now.. at this moment, i feel, i have no purpose in this place no more...

advantages of being a pessimist in an optimist view...
1) he does not get boastful
2) constantly know that he have to improve himself to survive
3) finds the concept of optimism is bullshit
4) sees no hope, thus do not waste energy on useless stuff
5) often ends up being alone, thus have plenty of free space to do what he wants
6) always weeping, thus when sad matters really come, they do not weep, cause tears are dry
7) lastly, if pessimism turns to fury, great progress will be made...

its another cold raning morning.......

Stupid at 8:06 AM

Saturday, December 16, 2006

went to aarchery and had this little talk with coach LC...

i went to tell her that no matter how hard i try, i cant to seemed to beat anyone.. while others improve significantly, i think i remain stagnant... even if wens was to come back and shoot again, i think he'll beat me without much traning... in other words.. its the L word on me.. L_O_S_E_R.....

then she said ' if u think u are, then u are, if u think u are a winner, then u win,, ur mind is a very powerful thing, and once u believe in what u can achieve or what u cant, it happens'

immediately after that, i had many hits on the bulls eye...

i guess the greastest weakness in me is that i lack the confidence in myself, and im a negative kind of person.. thanks to mum.. she influence me... ya, so that explains my paranoia.. rite CK?

got to change though...

holidays is full of i got nothing to do kind of activities, so ended up lazing around.. going online yet dunno what to do and also spend efforts on useless games and activites.. i think it is really really time for me to get back to work where i can improve and show progress in several aspects of my life...

i hope charis did buy something for me in thailand...

Stupid at 7:07 PM

Friday, December 15, 2006

BASKETBALL FRENZY!!!

I dont noe whats gotten in to me, but i suddenly kinda like basketball suddenly... maybe due to shahrin influence... his a great teacher and friend, and the coolest person in the world i ever met... so called the hip on the right side kinda thing...

i finally saw the whole Nike ad on the basketball thing on u tube.. check it out...

ya... so i was like whoa..

u noe, one very very bad point about me is that i like to play but v lazy to walk to the court or get the ball if it flew some where else... darn, and not that im good at it anyway, juz like im good at almost zilch... ya.. and always u play some guy always have to come along and ask to join in.. i kinda irritaitng actually, especially if its a beng.. i meant i v lousy at it... then some pro guy use my ball and thrash me.. sigh.. thats me...

rested enough already, i think its time for me to be discipline back and get back to work and having progress in life..

Stupid at 8:30 AM

Thursday, December 14, 2006

it happened when i went to airport to fetch wensley back from thailand mission trip...

met the rest of the gang there and decided when to say hi.. then walk walk walk then met Junior and her mum and dad...

i never seen her mum or talk to her before so decided to go say hi..

so the conversation when like this...

me: ' Hi auntie... '

her mum: ' hi! I've seen u around... whats your name ? '

me: ' Cai Xiang '

her mum: ' oh, so do u have any Christian names or watsoever '

me : ' Roger'

her mum: '....'

me: '...'

and then we burst out laughing... i think she was the first person i met who assumed my name as an answer for yes... Roger.. get it??? do u have a name? Roger ( yes ).. that was hilarious...

then saw, wensley.. he slimmed down during the trip... i think i got fatter.. gotta run man .. RUN!!!!! ahh...

got so bored to day so decided to piss magdalene... i think it worked some how... rather fun actually.. u shld go try it too.. persaude her to stop being cold and hard to people and stufff... hahaa , hilarious...

gonna be so bored trm, after majong...

Stupid at 4:24 PM

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

i startedreading this book, called wehn god writes your love story, but it actually compromise on how god writes your story of life, and basically, i have to surrender everything to him, that is the key, which seems to be the hardest thing to do in the universe to me...

'Follow me and you'll be set free' Jesus said... how can one follow some one else and yet be free? ironic, yet deep down inside we know its true.

i ashamed to say that i am unsure to recognise myself as chirstians, and like Jesus have said he will ashamed to speak of me in front of the heavenly father.. i need to work more on that...

been studying lately my habit which makes me feel comfortable, and not exercising.. gaining weight more... maybe later go run...

decided to join serve... yup, the two ultimate guardians of mine approved.. unbelievable...

still got much soul searching to do after what Aaron said yesterday.... darn why is that gf thing kept banging at my door? scram freaks! scram....

i am at a seriously confused state right now, 2 things that keep me sane is God and the $19.90 spongebob doll i saw at toys r us... *hint guys*

Stupid at 10:06 AM

Saturday, December 09, 2006

wens, when are u coming back, i miss getting thrashed by u, getting suan by u and miss pulling ur hair, oh gosh, cant imagine i said that.. but some how i did...

today, i tumbled into a situation where i found all of my old sch frens, gosh, for those who noe me, it aint really a good news, aint a bad news either.. its just i dun like to talk about stuff... and some how, it always comes back to haunt me...

that day i left JVS, i promise with my life that the next time i step back to the pathetic grounds i will be so accomplished, yet look at me now, still a loser...

maybe god just wants me to be a loser and i could do nothing much bout it, or maybe god wants me to put in my full determination to break this cycle.. i have no idea.. waiting for his call...

borrowed many books, loved reading, not bad books though...

went to RSAF seminar and saw a glimsp of hope, and hope GOd does make a way for me there...

dear god, im in pain, pls help me as u know best, amen

Stupid at 9:17 PM

linking everyone now.. pls hold on

Stupid at 8:55 PM

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

oh.. today sppose to go chalet, but still having the darn cold... darn....

talk to junior yesterday and found out that i am a dong... haha.. dong dong, sounds funny there... dong...

found a song damn suitable for junior already.. gonna let her listen when i meet her...

okiedokey... erm, it happen to me when i was came across this article about fairy tales giving delusions to many people... yup... a princess in distress and a kngiht in shining armour...

haha... i also remember last time i also wish to be in fairy tales and rescue some pretty princess also... then i found myself being shrek rather then pince charming hahaha.. shrek... hey, what u laughing at? its an happy ending k... i dun mind being shrek.. really... shrekk.....

ya, and apart from that, can be superhero like spiderman and superman and stuff, but i still cant decide which is better, fairy tales or comic fictions.. lol....

i think i gonna sleep in the chalet today, if not i really gonna die...

been praying for wens... haha, and of course the others.. not to worry guys! not to worry...

after chalet i wanna go run.. RUN LIKe hELL... v long nv do my i'm so depressed till i go run until i lost like 5 kg thing liao... haha.. no la, im not depress, but been gainning lotsa weight during the holidays... eating, playing com... argh.. com is such a idiotic drug... cause me so many problems... also wanna do some soul searching... then go apply for SIA pilot with wens when he comes back...

oh ya, yesterday that tuition kid pang seh me... then they say jan then start tuiton.. darn.... no $ that means.. GRRHHh...

SHrek signed off and will be back on thurs... =)

Stupid at 8:19 AM

Monday, December 04, 2006

oh.. having flu now... arh... feeling groggy early in the morning.. gotta recover by today if not trm chalet le, i gonna die... arh... drinking lotsa water now, hope it helps...

Wens flying of to TMT at 10 today, gave him lotsa prayers and wishes already, not to worry...

Junior gonna be so LONELY.. her sis flew off, her bro not at home.. curry go malaysia... watashiwa must remember to msg her to keep her company when i free...

u noe, i v v long never show pple my sendimental side until yesterday.... they were like asking would guys rather give birth or go NS... i said give birth, then was explanin that a life came out of you and u will forever feel this sense of attachment to ur child.. Charis was like: ' Woo! CX showing his sendimental side there! ' Shucks.. i thought i can finally learn like batman to be cold and cool and i juz slip my sendimental side there.. lol... *Wipes snort* Sorry there, the snort hang around my nose... v irritating.. stupid flu...

was bathing then walk out of the bath room when mum saw my half naked body, please dun imagine... and then she said something like time to get back in shape.. GRRRH.. ok ok , i noe i v lazy, like yesterday play captains ball v lazy to run and junior did all running.. lol... i'll go run ok? someday...

later go tutor some kid that i dunno whether is male or female.. pri 3.. pay is low, but i need the experience.. or well.. haha.. but my flu.... gosh..

Still wondering what did wens buy for me for my birthday... need him from thailand come back liao then can gimme.. he forgot it yesterday... @&$%@(!

Gonna study my students work later... with my cold! oh my, think i gotta fall asleep.. ZZZzzzZZzzz...

*blows nose..* Aw GAwd... Stoopig plU!!!

*Cough Cough * oh kay... Now cough comes along.. great...

gonna go rest...

sicko...

Stupid at 8:07 AM