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Nanyang Technological University
DOB: 051188
Trying to be a Godly Man
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Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Everytime in the Army i pray to get closer to God, and to know him better, He does it in a way that he breaks me to make me dependant on him.
Just like now, where i know i could have passed my IPPT test and SOC, but because i strained my muscle and i know it is impossible to recover before the test, i am most likely going to fail.. so i prayed...
Got a very bad feeling that i am going to be posted to a very very jiat lat unit...
and not going to be sergeant already...
Hearing bout Wens passing his IPPT makes me feel well, useless.. to tell you the truth i always thought that i was fitter then him, guess i was wrong...
God is putting me thorugh the Worst moments of my life.
Crazy Army life, stupid family matters, heavy load on my shoulders. Problems problems..
All i can do is trust in the lord, that through all this, he will train me to be some one he wants me to be..
Wens seems to be more prone to vulgarities now, even seems like he is speaking on his own..
im fighting against it still...
God, I really need yourr help, This 2 years, full of stumbles, trials and sorrows. i will not be able to make it through without your word and blessings, may you be with me and guide me along. I will not pray that i will be able to skip this 2 years, for as Jesus didnt prayed that he will be able to skip crucifixion. because if this is your will for us, then let it be done. because we know that you will bless us with strength and endurance and most of all wisdom to by pass this 2 hard years. may your will be done in me. Amen.
Just like now, where i know i could have passed my IPPT test and SOC, but because i strained my muscle and i know it is impossible to recover before the test, i am most likely going to fail.. so i prayed...
Got a very bad feeling that i am going to be posted to a very very jiat lat unit...
and not going to be sergeant already...
Hearing bout Wens passing his IPPT makes me feel well, useless.. to tell you the truth i always thought that i was fitter then him, guess i was wrong...
God is putting me thorugh the Worst moments of my life.
Crazy Army life, stupid family matters, heavy load on my shoulders. Problems problems..
All i can do is trust in the lord, that through all this, he will train me to be some one he wants me to be..
Wens seems to be more prone to vulgarities now, even seems like he is speaking on his own..
im fighting against it still...
God, I really need yourr help, This 2 years, full of stumbles, trials and sorrows. i will not be able to make it through without your word and blessings, may you be with me and guide me along. I will not pray that i will be able to skip this 2 years, for as Jesus didnt prayed that he will be able to skip crucifixion. because if this is your will for us, then let it be done. because we know that you will bless us with strength and endurance and most of all wisdom to by pass this 2 hard years. may your will be done in me. Amen.
Stupid at 9:19 AM
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Life after 9 april 2007 feels................. defiled.
everywhere i turn and look, it seems like everything is somewhat wrong.
and they are all invading into me, turning me into one of THEM.
even i do have occasional slips and stumbles sometimes.
Vulgarities everywhere.
Sex seems to the only pleasure there.
Encouraging us to be Self centred
Rage is highly recommended.
Encourage us to pursue for worldly treasures.
Universal Love seems to be an insipid thing.
And some how, the reception in Tekong is not so good.
My messages i prayed doesnt seems to reach God's ears.
and i couldnt hear his voice anymore.
even after i book out.
Tried to go back to Chruch to perhaps find His presence there, and yet, i still feel that emptiness in me.
In short, i'm in deep trouble.
No, no,
i mean,
i felt dead.
living a life without meaning or purpose.
Even u find ways and means to jot yourself up to feel some excitement in life. Like playing games and going out and watch some movies.
It still feels empty, my heart still keeps still..
Lord, Lord, why have u forsaken me?
HOpe i could be filled up again,
Hope some one out there could help me.
Oh yeah, and pray for Wens and CK, for they are going through hell camp, i meant field camp this week... wonder why funny things they have grow on their body..
Pls make me alive back.
everywhere i turn and look, it seems like everything is somewhat wrong.
and they are all invading into me, turning me into one of THEM.
even i do have occasional slips and stumbles sometimes.
Vulgarities everywhere.
Sex seems to the only pleasure there.
Encouraging us to be Self centred
Rage is highly recommended.
Encourage us to pursue for worldly treasures.
Universal Love seems to be an insipid thing.
And some how, the reception in Tekong is not so good.
My messages i prayed doesnt seems to reach God's ears.
and i couldnt hear his voice anymore.
even after i book out.
Tried to go back to Chruch to perhaps find His presence there, and yet, i still feel that emptiness in me.
In short, i'm in deep trouble.
No, no,
i mean,
i felt dead.
living a life without meaning or purpose.
Even u find ways and means to jot yourself up to feel some excitement in life. Like playing games and going out and watch some movies.
It still feels empty, my heart still keeps still..
Lord, Lord, why have u forsaken me?
HOpe i could be filled up again,
Hope some one out there could help me.
Oh yeah, and pray for Wens and CK, for they are going through hell camp, i meant field camp this week... wonder why funny things they have grow on their body..
Pls make me alive back.
Stupid at 9:16 PM
Friday, May 11, 2007
Back from Hell Camp..
Its field camp
field camp = march 8 km, with a heavy back pack, vest and rifile, build basha on this uneven ground with dead leafs, not enough water to drink, no clean water, sleepless nights, dig a mud trench, sleep in that grave-like trench, wake up every 2 hours for guard duty for 1 hour, prone till ur back ache, run 3 k every morning
and worst is that, it rained... so my trench is super muddy..
I prayed in tekong, and some how, i feel that, Tekong have Bad reception to GOd.
cause he didnt answer my prayers there..
but he did answer one thing.. i didnt have guard duty..
in the army, its like they force you to sin
situation:
I did something worng with other 5 frens: total 6 pple
rule: if 6 other pple commit an offence worst then you will be substitued.
3 got subbed.. im the last guy cause i didnt clear jacob's ladder
so the last 3, kept hoping some one do something wrong...
SEEE: HOPING SOME ONE TO DO SOMETHING WORNG.. its bad right? its wrong...
but we got subbed anyway.. got one guy didnt cause he commited another mistake..
and thus no guard for me..
gotta set my mind into the right directon this sunday before boook in.. need some help in church
believe that army will be a bit more fun if wens is ard with me...
he'll love the trench thing..
good gracious for his field camp
p.s : my hand is rotting now,, there is wierd rash growing on my hand.. they say its normal?!
Its field camp
field camp = march 8 km, with a heavy back pack, vest and rifile, build basha on this uneven ground with dead leafs, not enough water to drink, no clean water, sleepless nights, dig a mud trench, sleep in that grave-like trench, wake up every 2 hours for guard duty for 1 hour, prone till ur back ache, run 3 k every morning
and worst is that, it rained... so my trench is super muddy..
I prayed in tekong, and some how, i feel that, Tekong have Bad reception to GOd.
cause he didnt answer my prayers there..
but he did answer one thing.. i didnt have guard duty..
in the army, its like they force you to sin
situation:
I did something worng with other 5 frens: total 6 pple
rule: if 6 other pple commit an offence worst then you will be substitued.
3 got subbed.. im the last guy cause i didnt clear jacob's ladder
so the last 3, kept hoping some one do something wrong...
SEEE: HOPING SOME ONE TO DO SOMETHING WORNG.. its bad right? its wrong...
but we got subbed anyway.. got one guy didnt cause he commited another mistake..
and thus no guard for me..
gotta set my mind into the right directon this sunday before boook in.. need some help in church
believe that army will be a bit more fun if wens is ard with me...
he'll love the trench thing..
good gracious for his field camp
p.s : my hand is rotting now,, there is wierd rash growing on my hand.. they say its normal?!
Stupid at 9:52 AM