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Roger Soh Cai Xiang
21
Nanyang Technological University
DOB: 051188

Trying to be a Godly Man

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Friday, August 31, 2007

Now, recruits call me.... Coporal Soh!

haha, soporal only then so happy, wonder i become sergeant how..

anyway.. today watch evan almighty.. then God ( the movie one.. Morgan freeman )
brought up this, that when u pray for patience, does got give u some magical zap for u to become patient or does he gives u the OPPORTUNITY to become patient..

just like when u pray for love in ur family ... does the love comes when it just happens, or does God gives u the OPPORTUNITY to make it happen..

Thats a super great thing that i brought home with me... yup.. food for thought..

u noe u ever had that warm fuzzy feeling that u noe someone is actually there for u to turn to or talk to everytime... no matter who they were, family, loved ones, friends... yup.. suddenly got that feeling when i was reading some book.. but ya.. its great..

oh... remembered wat i want to say liao

ok.. so i found out why pple are ususally like this : the go home to rest / sleep / and wakes up and feel tired... or play to relax go on com and play and yet still v tired..

because we spent on our effort on the wrong things.. like playing/ going out / and get back to work on monday again..

what we should do is to have a good rest/ slack/ watch tv/ sleep..

And sleep is not too much/ must like 8 hours enuff le.. if not sleeep too much will have the this condition.. called : i sleep like pig thing.. haha

so when u have free time.. work on the right stuff like doing home work.. rest on the right time when its time to rest.. this way, u wont have fatigue or tired ness le..

works for me.. but hardly ever do it.. cause its difficult stuff.. haha

Stupid at 10:38 PM

Saturday, August 25, 2007

4 more days to becoming a coporal...

kept consouling myself that others took 2 years to becoming a coporal while i only took 5 months..

got a premonition that i would go to ASLC, becoming a 3rd sgt... feeling abit sad, a bit happy, a bit emotionless...

still couldnt pass SOC though.. failed by 7 seconds.. but finally, i could clear every obstacles one shot.. felt very happy the other day... guess i go ASLC then start training for it ba...

currently, feeling a bit.. souless... like have no purpose, no true emotions, no nothing.. even book out doesnt have that kick of going home is shiok anymore..

perhaps its because that I had been very very far away from God.. God beggining to take away my purpose? been stop doing quiet time, stop believing and even stop praying..

what's make it worst is that lotsa people around depend on me to share christ with them, to help them know the truth.. and if i fall in my faith, there goes theirs too.. people like my parents, who do not hear me preaching anymore, so their faith is like, shaky.. Wens, i duno.. maybe i should give him some spritual support, but like now, never... and also, lotsa my bunk mates, who very enthsiastically wanna noe who is Jesus, and i juz, well, sad to say, push them away temporarily cause i'm lazy to preach... yup.. Sinner me...

no wonder i had been feeling empty...

got to start soon, before i , or anyone aroundme back slide...

here is something i want to share with people all of u out there...

it happened to me as in the first few weeks of sispec, i am not adjusted to the environment yet, i hated being there, therefore, i treasure my family, my friends, all those who are close to me..
and like a few weeks later, where i adjusted liao, and started to find that the environment is fun, i start to feel that my family friends and even pple who are close, redundant, boredom, and even fustrating..

Did they change? I asked my self... I think i did...

I guess this is what God meant when he refered to clouded by earthly things..

sometimes, when we are clouded withsudden burst of emotions of attractions, desires for earthly things, we tend to gt blinded and deviate from what our heart wants the most...
Like when a man saw a super hot girl, he tend to forgets the wife he had who gone thru thick and thin with him for 20 years.
Or like, when we found a new group of friends, we tend to forget friends who sacrificed so much for u..
Or like, we love to go out, drink play, have fun, we tend to forget about being quiet and be there to worship God..

thats why.. sometimes, before we go WOW and indulge ourselves in fun, laughter and insanity, its good to stop, take a step back, and think.. what is important to u and who u should spend time with..

yup... it applies to me alot.. this principle.. hope it doesnt happen in your life too..

Stupid me..

Stupid at 9:19 AM

Sunday, August 19, 2007

SHeesh.. I kept having this song stuck in my Head..

I Just Call To Say I Love You...

Dunno why, maybe because i heard that song played over the ice cream bar last night..

but its kinda nice.. haha.. oldies..

Anyway.. If u are wondereing what movies to watch this weekend or something..
Secret by Jay Chou is highly recommended, cant wait to but the OST when its out...

the twist is facinating...

Anyway, have u ever once felt that u just want to keep recall about something that happen and dun wish to sleep?
yup, i think i did that, thats why i fel that i never sleep ( i think) keep thinking of what wonderful night it was last night..

sigh.. back to reality ... booking in tonight..

Wens having grand slam, and me? SOC.. sheesh..

Well. been thinking alot.. I have to start to leanr to believe again, believe in myself, more postive thinking kinda thing, that, i could eventually learn or do something well... i wanna learn music! piano or guitar... but guess ahve to start from grade 1 or smth like that with the kids..
guess if i want to do it, i have to believe and persist...

got 2 songs other that song above stuck in my head.. can u guess whats the next one?

meanwhile,
enjoy..



Stupid at 3:46 PM

Friday, August 17, 2007

I'm out again.. should rejoice everytime i have chance to be out..

so many things happened this week..

hmm,
first, i cant clear SOC low rope again
second, got a confirmed list of pple going in to OCS and i'm not one of them because of SOC
third, hearing bout several problems happening at home.
fourth, got into the 9 divison infantry parade but substituting one guy, and it rained during the parade so we marched in the rain, rather honoured.
fifth, several of my mates not happy cause i got into the parade but they didnt
sixth, finally cleared low wall..

hmm.. u are right, i seemed to have more negative thoughts then positive ones, just look at the list up there...

sheesh, me and my automatic negative thoughts... Got to find a way to work on that...

anyway, i got to thank a special some one which i think i should have thanked like since BMT, well as u know, i in army very sian, no one to talk to le, but she is patient all along to hear all my rantings, talking to me, hearing my crap, ok have to admit sometimes i get too overboard and start to piss her offwith my negative thoughts, but she's nice enough to stand by all the way.. truly touched, and i felt so bad that when she needs help i dun even noe whether i'm available..
thanks alot, really,, u know who u are. probably u are the only emotional support i have within this 2 years. I thank God that i have met such a wonderful you.

Got to book in trm morning cause i missed out some stupid first aid lesson for the parade.. sianz.. but ok la, afternoon come out le..


Tired

Stupid at 8:02 PM

Friday, August 10, 2007

just came back from eskibar in holland V.. Very kool place...

there was this room which have a temp of -11 deg with a bar top made out of ice...

ordered a wrong drink which tasted like a cheap soft drink.. yv they all had so much cooler and more alcoholic drink.. jealous...

She's flying off tomorrow, thats why we met today.. sigh.. wrote me a card like thing.. saying smth like :' ... know that u are a caring and nice person , but you have to be more confident of yourself and dun care so much about what others say ...'

Shes so right... for your info, well, we didnt met as frequent as last time this days, yet she still knows my character.

Infact, i think that is my greatest problem in me.. low self esteem..

just like this morning, where everyone get to clear SOC except for me, i felt so demoralised, and especially when i compare myself to Wens, he like always get the good stuff.. Seems like God has always blessing him, clearing SOC, silver for ippt and have a good bunch of frens kinda thing..


me felt, kinda unblessed, useless infact, like never had what others have..

that hit the spot.. problems of all problems..

got to learn to overcome it manz..


anyway, I hope i can see yvonne again.. and when I do see her again, I hope she see a more confident and better man in me...

Take good care,yv

Stupid at 11:34 PM

Saturday, August 04, 2007

so much happened after the last entry..

YUp.. i came back alive and well after all the field camp...

God was with me.. Thank God...

I'm now really changed, even my platoon and section mates say so...

I'm no longer worried, more daring to venture straight at my fears..
Guess that has what God has trained me to become, a stronger man...

Yvonne messaged me yesterday, saying that she's flying to America to study..
I gotta miss her...
Lets pray for her,
Lord, please take care of this wonderful friend of mine,
for although she has not known You, may your gospel reach her heart even in America, and even though she is so far away, please take ggod care of her and keep her away from harm and sin. And i pray i could meet her again someday in the future.
Amen.


Man, I got to miss her, some how, i got mixed feelings everytime she say she going to go away..
and ever since i got into army, all my friends are leaving me, or am i leaving my friends?

Either way, friends, is here today and gone tomorrow, which is very sad la...

But at least I know God is with me..

Oh, and saw wild boar, i meant had a close encounter with wild boar in field camp, it came and tried to steal our field rations, caused us sleepless nights.. hahah.. v funny

keep praying

Stupid at 9:31 PM

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