Roger Soh

Journaling

2011-07-26T10:36:00.003+07:00

Neglected this blog again, its been so long since another entry.

Trying to cultivate a habit of reading recently. After reading a mind changing book by John Eldredge : "Waking the Dead"

Recently I bought a book : "The Journals of Jim Elliot" and with the first few pages it wrote something like: "He ( Jim ) made a habit of getting up early in the morning in order to have uninterrupted time for prayer and Bible study, but it was not until his junior year that he began to keep a journal as a means of self discipline. Forcing himself to articulate something on paper helped him to concentrate and gave direction to his devotional times. ... ... ... what is written in these pages I (Jim) suppose will someday be read by others than myself."

Was thinking and hoping that maybe I can do the same.

Matthew 5:1-12

I am quite familiar with the passage of the beatitudes. Hence decided to read a different version of the bible, the Message. It goes something like this

When Jesus saw his ministry drawing huge crowds, he climbed a hillside. Those who were apprenticed to him, the committed, climbed with him. Arriving at a quiet place, he sat down and taught his climbing companions. This is what he said:

You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.

You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.

You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.

You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.

You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.

Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.

After reading this, I opened my ESV bible and made the comparison. How different was the meaning I interpreted! I'll just take the Matt 5:1 for example. In the ESV it said, "Seeing the crowds, he went up on the mountain, and when he sat down, his disciples came to him."

Compared to the version in the Message, "the committed, climbed with Him" It paints a different picture, that if we are committed in following Jesus, we require effort, to climb! It gets tough, the climbing. Well one thing is cause i'm scared of heights, and the second is that I'm kind of heavy hence it requires alot of effort and stamina.

Realised that the disciples then had a great thirst for the words of life so much so that even though when Jesus went to hard and high places, even though its tough, they followed him, just to learn more from him. Am I willing to put in the effort and the stamina to follow Jesus in hard and high places?

I not sure how accurate the Message translation is, I will leave it to another time to research upon, but it paints a probable picture of how the people then sees Jesus much clearer.

Bad Friday

2011-04-22T21:53:00.003+07:00

As each day goes by, I feel my faith grows weaker. With each sermon i listen to in church, the sadder i feel.

Today is good friday. and the ironic thing is i feel like cursing and wearing and be the old me more than ever.

Its one of those days, where u really wanted to release all ur emotions on somthing, Just BOOM. and there goes all those words I spend decades to refrain from saying.

You ask me why, why am I so mad, so not even concentrating in preparing cell, Because I feel like a bloody hypocrite. I have to teach teens who dun even wanted to be there anyway things that I dun even convict myself in beliving. Its just a job, its just an assignment, another module to me today.

I became super unproductive today, hearing lectures that doesnt get in, time like now suppose to study i end up blogging. why am i so fustrated? Why?

Because I'm mad, angry, furious! because look what COGS become, I never felt this way in a good friday service before. I never felt his presence. I never felt God. Mum dozed of in the sermon, I think Dad's sleeping with eye open. And WE ARE FREAKING SUPPOSE TO BE SOLEMN AND REFLECTIVE IN THIS DAY?

I know u may think that I am superficial, that what I'm looking for is that "feel" that we have when deaconess and the old management was around. there is some truth to it. But the major thing I am feeling, is that the service is just another anyhow service in every freaking sunday. and its good friday. the first good friday without old management.

I find myself extremely angry to all of the old management too. You know that this old man is going to tear the church apart, and u just happily left? SELFISH HYPOCRITES. and leave us to fight the front, we are like recruits, not commandos and u sent us to war. and we died. Many died, many left, many hurt.

Sometimes I do feel and understand why pple like daesiree just turn totally to the world, its like having the since its so screwed, i rather be screwed and yet I enjoy myself. Since we are going down, might as well enjoy it anyway. only fools like us, stay and fight the front. be unhappy, be hurt, be weary and "Wait till things get better" . Yeah, wait till either old man dies or he retires, Church is now a prison, a place where it encourages pple to feel dissappointed with the faith.

They told me, look to God, not man, Look to God! Yet they also say, we are suppose to reflect God image. If u look at the image, and u disgust, how do u bear to turn and look to God?

Anyway, I turned, maybe i am myopic, I cannot see God, I'm blind now. So whoever is reading this, I'm sorry if i sounded harsh, unreasonable, even doing irrational things. I hope u'll understand. I'm blinded once again for now..

Jesus where are you?

Marvel Comics on Chrome

2011-03-29T09:42:00.000+07:00

Marvel Comics on Chrome

Ok, I am testing things out so that I can make my google chrome more hi tech lol...

sanity

2011-03-26T12:26:00.001+07:00

How do we know that we are not insane since the insane view thselves as sane and they view us as insane?

2011-02-04T23:36:00.002+07:00

I FREAKING HATE CNY...

The frustration I have within me is overwhelming that i'll tear apart anything that stands in my way.

Stupidest idiotic freaking CNY.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

Superman issue #705

2011-01-23T21:59:00.002+07:00

I was reading the superman comic, and I actually found out the superman story line is very indepth actually makes us think about alot of things..

The issue was talking how superman just went down to the neighbourhood and had a emo walk .. Of course it stirred a great crowd and stuff.. And there is this kid. He was very happy that he is coming, and he was like telling his mum, maybe superman will stop his dad from beating him up and beating his mother up. Maybe superman will make his dad love them.. the mother just teared.

Then the boy went out and made a superman flag with the symbol 'S' on it. The dad saw, and pull him in the house,push him to fall down the stairs and locked him in the basement. The boy heard the crowd cheering as superman walked pass. and then the boy screamed for superman.

Of course superman heard, and found out what happen and was furious with the dad and in the end the mother and son ended up in protective care.

The best part of the story is when the social worker came out and told superman : "Good thing YOU came along, otherwise we might have never known about any of this, it needed YOU to get to the bottom of it " .

Superman just said : ' No it didnt. All it needed was someone , anyone with a pair of eyes, a voice, a phone, and ten cents worth of compassion'.

Reallly can relate to this story tho. Just wondering if I'm the boy, the dad or the someone tat superman is referring to.

Poetic form of Matt 5:17-48

2011-01-17T18:42:00.002+07:00

Went to NTU-CF camp and then I wrote this poem.. Thought it was beautiful to share.

Matt 5:17-48

Jesus said :

"You people with many flaws,

I have come to fufill the Law.

You've heard in time of old,

you shall not murder

or judgement will be manyfold.

Truly I say to you, restrain your anger

and be forgiving to your brother.

Do not commit adultery,

means respecting the woman you see.

Love the wife you marry

and your life will be merry.

Keep the promises you say,

and it will be rewarded on that day.

An eye for an eye and the world goes blind,

all will be well if you stop emphasizing what's mine.

Love your enemies and pray for them,

and you will be like me, the sinless lamb."

Nice huh ? =)

2010-11-19T22:59:00.002+07:00

the storms of life is tearing me away bit by bit into nothingness.. feeling my mind, body soul and spirit corroding into dust. faith and hope glows dim.

whats happening to me? I do not know. Only have jl to cling on to now.

where are you God? where is my passion, my love, my certainty in you? Lost, gone.

commitments becomes curses

friends become adversaries

ambitions become nightmares

love become hate

Am I crazy to think such things and feel so down? U think i never try to pick myself up? I did! But weight i am carrying now its just too heavy to bear.

Evil men smiles, giggles, and have their way in things, they always seems to be on the top, and dun really care about those at the bottom. I struggle to be between good and evil, as being the top seems so tempting, so comfortable.

Storms of life, blasts after blasts, must i really submit my destiny to failure so that I can have a good rest? Thats the biggest question im struggling now.

Should Church commitments be a drag, should i really stop fighting, and accept that i am not as capable as evil men? God why? Why dont u bless pple like us, who are your people, and yet they are the smarter ones, they are the better ones.

Smiles gone. tempted to be my old old self again.. another fisherman

2010-11-17T15:28:00.001+07:00

lost abandoned helpless frustrated vindicated emotional stretched limited rah..

I duno if i made the wrong choice and just tumbled my life down into the drain.. oh well

Been thinking about..

2010-10-24T21:40:00.003+07:00

Been thinking about Uncle Tiong Guan's Comment.

About the yoke.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Matt 11:28-30

He said: When two cow pulls a yoke, one matured cow will partner a younger cow, and when they pull the yoke, the matured one will make sure that it is straight, the young cow beside it dun have to do anything much but just follow.

makes me think of what Jesus said about carrying the cross with him, the cross is like a yoke right? he on his right side, and Im on his left. then we walk..

Many times im like everyone else. carrying the cross, wait, might not be cross.. might even be log or something, and drag and walk.. I feel tired. grumpy, and really want to put it down.. the only time we put it down is we sleep.. thats why many of us like to sleep. escape from everything,. The log might be anything, from studying to ministries in church.

Then how we carry the cross with Jesus then? I guess for me, I know the path, but there is big difference from knowing the path and walking the path. Carry with JEsus? i guess I have to start with letting go the log, and pick up the cross.

Layman it means : Doing the things U know its right in your heart, and yet u dun wan to do it. if u duno whats right? check the bible. and follow it.

Hope i can do this, one step at a time.

2010-10-22T17:05:00.000+07:00

Psalm 55:17- Evening and morning and at noon I utter my complaint and moan, and he hears my voice.

Psalm 55: 22: Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.

David had felt what I'm feeling now. after reading psalm, David chose God. May I choose the same =)

2010-08-10T10:24:00.002+07:00

Dear Blog,

Wha Its really been long since i blogged. But seems like everytime i blog i seem to have bad news..

I just want to rant now.. cause its like everything in my different aspect of my life is crumbling. Thank God my family is still holding strong ( outwardly ) and JL is still around with me..

I know I should have just be accountable to her yesterday and when she corrected me I should have just admit it.. But I never do it on purpose.. and sometimes its like it never came to ur mind.. U just want to go out with a piece of mind if u know what I mean? I mean its not i want to offend her. But I know by keeping that simple SMS in mind will make her feel appreciated. Wonder if the amount of effort put in will have a fruitful results with the right amount of good stuff coming out. But stepping a step back.. Looking at the whole situation, I think its better for me to compromise as i find that its not worth arguing this and making our relationship sour. I need her and I love her. I hope she knows it.

Then came J trying to say all the bad things about the church, the leaders and stuff. And I find it all too familiar as those are the same stuff I complain to JL. Feels wierd trying to like listen and comfort him when I am feeling the same feelings.. Like V hypocrite.. haha.. But really feel the pinch tho.. its like I thought it was bad.. but after i knew others feeling the same I didnt know it was that bad.. Grieved.. Wanted to talk to JL bout it.. but... I guess I talk to her another day..

So I went home hurry dashed out the bible and ask God how, or why, or what can I do.. And as usual i prayed and flip to the last read passage.. Then read. then feel like its just another story in the bible.. Ok.. Maybe partially cause I never do QT for this few days thats why its becoming like that.. But Still Somehow manny pple say run to God, look for answers in the bible, Read the bible.. Then sometimes, I just feel like I duno how. I duno how God can speak to you through the bible. Cause Im not a reader and when I read, God didnt spoke to me.. Wanted to tell JL bout this another day too..

Grieved more.. I then avoid lo.. haha.. Went to install and try out Starcraft 2 that W lend me.. haha at least its fun fun.. I know I avoiding.. but I just dunno how to face reality sometimes.. And sometimes all the christian books advices.. seem to be so ideal that there are hardly any practical ways to achieve it..

So went to sleep, wake up.. And dun feel like going to lab but went anyway.. so Im here.. Finished the project.. Waiting for further orders hence blogged since i never blogged so long.. Ok.. Maybe I'll start praying.. or something..

JL be patient with me ok?

2010-04-18T12:28:00.002+07:00

I'm tired..

Next week marks the start of my exams. And i am unprepared. I'm far from God, and problems seems to stack higher and higher.

Ministry's changing, hence drawing more from us then we can give.

Somehow amidst all this problems, I find it funny and foolish that I dare not draw close to Him.

Sigh

Selfless in the Selfish world

2009-12-14T22:40:00.002+07:00

Problems in the society today:
Everyone wants to speak and no one wants to listen.
Everyone wants to do what they want and dun want to do what they dun want.
Everyone wants to be the served, not the servant.
Everyone wants to lead, not to follow.
Everyone wants to satisfy their needs, not others.

To summarise, everyone, including me, have a tendency to want things for themselves, satisfy themselves then to think of others. and the most disheartening thing is this is happening everywhere, in families, in couples,parent and child, in husband and wife, mother and child, brothers and sisters, friends, in school, in church, in work. Everywhere.

The virus of selfishness have spread to all of us, and caught us so severely that sometimes, we fail to see the virus because we see ourselves more important than the other meat bags around us.

and there us this void in us, that seems to never satisfy even we have our wants and needs.

There is just one cure for all of us, and it just packed it all into one simple verse,
Acts 20:35:
"In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.' "

Joy is putting
Jesus first
Others second
Yourself last.

Let us all remember that the next time we feel our needs becime greater then the needs of others,

2009-11-13T22:43:00.002+07:00

Sigh,

It has been a bad day for me.
I screwed my oral jap test,

and when i reached home, found out that my programming assignment is wrong and I submitted it.

Have a phy test which test me about the last few chapters of physics, got super paranoid about it, then super worried, in the end, ended up with many careless mistakes..

my life is going down the drain tgt with the results.

maybe it is because i got so worried over studies that i neglected God and spend time with him?

I duno..

2009-11-09T22:08:00.002+07:00

Today I started of the day by telling myself: Hey, I need to get things right back with God, although I woke up late I managed to squeexe some time for God in prayer..

and I prayed according to the Lord's prayer i learnt in cell yesterdAY.

THen after i went to physics tutorial and lecture, i came back feeling super duper low. and then suddenly God went out of my life again.

I became like peter, worried that i'll sink..
I couldnt understand anything i study. or couldnt even remember. Trm is my jap listening test, and I dun even fully remember all the vocabs and stuff..

Thing is i have put in effort. I did study.. but I have to agree.. not effectively tho.

almost at the verge of breaking down then suddenly heard the song by chris tomlin, was wearing my earphones to study to block out the noise.

The song was unfailing love.

You have my heart
And I am Yours forever
You are my strength
God of grace and power

And everything You hold in Your hand
Still You make time for me
I can't understand
Praise You God of Earth and sky
How beautiful is Your unfailing love
Unfailing love

And You never change God You remain
The Holy One
My unfailing love
Unfailing love

You are my rock
The one I hold on to
You are my song
And I sing for You

And everything You hold in Your hand
Still You make time for me
I can't understand
Praise You God of Earth and sky
How beautiful is Your unfailing love
Unfailing love

And You never change God You remain
The Holy One
My Unfailing love
Unfailing love

And everything You hold in Your hand
Still you make time for me
I can't understand
Praise You God of Earth and sky
How beautiful is Your unfailing love
Unfailing love

And You never change God You remain
The Holy One
My Unfailing love
Unfailing love

I will praise You
Praise you God of earth and sky
How beautiful is your unfailing love
Unfailing love

And You never change God You remain
The Holy One
My Unfailing love

Unfailing love
Unfailing love
Unfailing love
Unfailing love
Unfailing love

Super beautiful song..

I dun understand why am i going thru this, and I know i feel screwed up most probably is because something I have done, but some how as the verse of the song says everything is in His Hand and HE make time for me.

I just nearly teared.

I shoved Him away, but He just wanted me to be back. I ignored Him, yet He is right here with me right now when I needed Him the most.

His unfailing love.

I going to pray for His grace and mercy for my exams. and hopefully I can do my best. remember His love.

2009-11-08T19:24:00.002+07:00

Everyday they pass me by,
I can see it in their eyes.
Empty people filled with care,
Headed who knows where?

On they go through private pain,
Living fear to fear.
Laughter hides their silent cries,
Only Jesus hears.

People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
At the end of broken dreams, He's the open door.
People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
When will we realize, people need the Lord?

We are called to take His light
To a world where wrong seems right.
What could be too great a cost
For sharing Life with one who's lost?

Through His love our hearts can feel
All the grief they bear.
They must hear the Words of Life
Only we can share.

People need the Lord, people need the Lord
At the end of broken dreams, He's the open door.
People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
When will we realize that we must give our lives,
For people need the Lord.
~Steve Green

Today during Sunday school we sand this song, and it is very meaningful. Many times many people pass us by, we know they need the Lord although they refuse to accept him, and sometimes, we just give up, forget about telling them about God, and forget telling them especially through our actions.

As i was singing i was running across my mind those who i have met everyday, and I know they need Him, everybody needs Him. Even I need him, after being a christian for 4 years, I still far from where Jesus is. Still so many things to learn from Jesus.

We can run away, shy away, ignore the fact, shut our eyes, turn our heads away. But nothing can make us deny that.. we need the Lord.

2009-11-06T00:41:00.002+07:00

Happy 21St to me..

today is my 21st birthday and it marks my life as the beginning of adulthood.

And the same question ponders my mind every single birthday, did i become a better man than last year?

My 21st birthday wish was to become a Godly man, a man who fears God, loves God, loves man.

I'm far from my target. way far, so many things to work on and stuff, and its really intangible, hard to count. Really pray that I may have a transformation in my life.
Many times, i think of the things I had, has or have been doing, I though : 'hey i could have done it in another better way' but most of the time i didn't. And in the end missed the opportunity to live as a proper christian.

It marks the start of manhood, I hope i can grow up to be the real man, a man like Jesus.Blameless and upright.

That would be my wish above all.

Secondly i wish for wisdom, Really want to be smart in tackling things sometimes, and even in academics, knowing how to juggle my messy life properly.

Wisdom and godliness. I pray that God answers my prayers..

2009-10-31T23:20:00.002+07:00

Its been a long time since i've blogged..

Yesterday I had my 21st birthday party and I really thank God for it, get to see all my friends, they came and really showered their love and care for me. Really felt grateful and thankful.

However today, right now, i feel very emo now..
Remembering that I have to get to school on monday..

Then also all my grades aren't really high flying, failed maths quiz, programming just passed, and my phy i spending half the time reading the text book and still dun get the concept.. Felt so helpless and crying doesn't help..

To make things worse, i think i am a terrible boyfren, didnt even really make my girl happy today, in fact, harmed her quite a few times unintentionally, only can slap myself and say that i am stupid stupid,

and yup im ballooning, growing into a fat bub. Wens is slimming down which give him more opportunity to suan me and stuff.. I give up le, being fat cause me to be more stupid, foolish and being idiotic. Sigh.. have no idea what am i turning into as i enter adult hood.

Gotta pray more and ask God whats wrong with my life.. I think my prayer life is really unhealthy, and my relationship check up have been procrastinating.. Argh..
Feel so many things to dom and can never complete one. sick and sian, just want to end everything once and for all..

hope i have a better post next time.

2009-08-06T22:23:00.001+07:00

What I'm feeling inside?

A hinge of Jealousy

A fear of uncertainty

An avarice of getting ahead.

Facing some insecurities issue when school starts.. Lord help me..

2009-07-31T19:43:00.002+07:00

Just came back from NTU Campus Crusade FOC..

There is just too many things to thank God for, all the amazing testimonies, all the wonderful things I have learnt, all the eye openers, all the fun we have in my team C4C!!!

Think it is clear which CCA I am joining already..

Ultimately, what I have learn from this camp is to be Still, to trust Him in ALL things and also not to wait ( slack in that matter) in building ourselves and getting others ready for God's Kingdom, because He may come back anytime, maybe 5 sec later after u read this full stop.

2009-07-28T20:14:00.002+07:00

Dear God,

I know I have not been the best christian, and sometimes have not even go near to you.

Lord, but now I can't do anything, I cannot do anything, I can't change anything, But you can.

Lord, may your love and faith, give us strength to go through this, Lord, please bring an end to this situation. We are lost, we are tired, and our hope runs thin. Lord. May your will be done.. I trust in you.

2009-07-05T20:06:00.003+07:00

A psalm of Roger

Woe to me,
How great the kingdom of Heaven I could not see.
How far I am from entering the Gates of Heaven.

Woe to us,
How many of us can see the path?
How many of us will be saved on the last days?
If we start repenting today, do we ever stand a chance?
Will we ever have the strength to follow Him? Our Rabbi?

Woe to the world,
where they couldn't see how small they are.
They pursue the wrong things and guide us the wrong path.
And they are oblivious about what's coming.

Let us pray
that we may have the strength to repent
To die and rise again.
To be the candle on the top of the hill
To shine the light for many
To be saved in the last days..

2009-06-30T16:01:00.002+07:00

a psalm of Roger

I've been living with a shadow over head,
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed.
I've been lost for so long
trapped in a spot that can't seem to move on.

All I want to do is find a way back into my love for Him.
I can't make it through without Him.

I've been searching but I just cant see the sign,
Ive been finding but I don't know where to find.
I know its out there.
There's something that points to Him somewhere.

I've been looking someone to shed some light.
Not just an advice which seems not quite right
Lord may you bring me back
Before I lose direction in my life.

Now you told me to be still, hold on and see your majesty,
I see how small I can be.
There's nothing Your love can't do
I trust in you

2009-06-12T23:13:00.003+07:00

Today had a good 'weekly' sharing with my CCL Co-cell leaders.

suddenly got on to the topic of Pastor's Fuman sharing about end times.

Then went home to read the Obama's Speech. Peace-loving speech.

Cant help but wonder, what happens if we are really the chosen generation? Am I ready? Will you be ready? Will you ever renounce Him if an anti guy point a gun at you at point blank?
I still dunno what I will do.

Know Thyself...

2009-05-08T22:00:00.002+07:00

I'm going through a tough time.

Issues after issues after issues.
And on top of that, more work for me to do.

At the verge of breaking, an encouraging word comes:
'God is expanding your capacity'

A ray of hope shines in.

The Stronger the Wind, The Stronger the Trees.

2009-05-05T09:47:00.002+07:00

Sometimes we come to think of it, christians are still humans, still sinners, and still requires Christ forgiveness and embrace.

Im currently leading a christian committee to do a certain project and now we have met some major setbacks.

What would Jesus do? What would Jesus do?

Tell you the truth, I dont really know, Im so lost at this point of time. Please pray.

The Last Day of Tribute

2009-04-30T21:25:00.002+07:00

Today is the last day of my tribute in COGS, I left the office, feeling like i left the COGS family like that. Super touched, almost wanted to tear, their love they poured on me. Really, Touched.

Today the Rev Tan and COGS staff, all came to treat me at some Dim Sum restaurant, Really so Pai Seh, all for me, and really touched.. Likely I made each of them a unique poster, now the office got my photo everywhere. haha..

I thank God that he has placed me here this 3 months, I learned certain things, from hardware like reformat Computer and wall Drilling, to heart ware, like visitation of old folks, injured church members, and relationship building.

I learned that God have been Gracious in blessing our small humble Church Of the Good Shepherd ( not Great Stomach, not Glutton Sinners) . That he can really make a family from different background, I feel so close, so like home. Treasure this 3 months alot.

Lord made my mind sane so that I can face the insane world once again.

2009-04-20T21:16:00.002+07:00

Hello all,

We love because He first loved us.

Was thinking of changing my skin for a very long time, never had the discipline, nor the time. And when I was browsing through the blog skins available, I cant help but notice this skin. So simple, yet packs such a powerful message.

We love because He first loved us.

Love is a mysterious thing.

We will never get to understand what it is until we are into it.
And even you do, it is still hard to describe it.
Its more then the feeling of feeling good when the person is around. More then getting on in a relationship. more then just physical intimacy.

Love is being there with the person when u have to be somewhere else. Love is to hug a person who no one would. to love someone who no one would.

And i think God first loved me.
Because no one would love me the way he does He does.

Thanksgiving and other stuff

2009-04-06T20:30:00.003+07:00

Hello all,

Yup, its like years since i update this blog, if not for my gf nagging i doubt i would touch it.

Anyway, I have adopted this habit of giving thanks to God everyday, writing down at least 3 points ( but often there are so many things to thank God for you will have more than 3) . Its a good habit, make u a happier person, and makes u feel happier when things are feeling super duper low and gloomy.

yup, So I thank God for us to thank him, fellow friends and brothers i highly encourage u guys to try to give thanks to little things in life. let me give u an example.

Things to thank God for today:
Thank you God for,
- Spending time with my pig pig, eat breakfast and she waited for me while i have my test
- Passing my Final Theory Test and the first try!
- also my Basic one at first try too
- The rain, so that i have excuse to spend time, in serene centre so that i can go Comics MART!
- Thank God for that nice lady from island creamery, who allow me to 'borrow' me the umbrella to shelter me home
- thank God for time to watch TV, Ying Yang Yo, funny cartoon,
- thank God for sleep, i fell asleep then woke up..
- thank for my com , can do work, surf the net. enjoy and relax.
- Thank God for star wars! I didnt noe that the republic commando novel transform its stor to imperial commando this oct! Star Wars fans watch out!!
- thank God for my pig pig again, who always encourages me to do the right things.

Yup.. I didnt make this up, I just type along the way. So go and give thanks for things in life k! Like rain, sun, thank God for blogs! thank God for our ability to read and write, to be fed daily today, many many things, thank God for your parents, friends, lovers, sons, and daughters,

yup.. I feel so happy now, so blessed when i count my blessings, u should try, not bluffing, have a journal for thanksgiving everyday.

Such gloomy days needs some light. We are the light.

Matt 5:14- 16: "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden.Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Dedicate to Lost souls and anonymous people

2008-12-30T22:12:00.007+07:00

hey all,

Its been a long time i posted an entry again, the rest of my frens blogs either they grew too tired of blogging and closed their blog, or left hanging.

But i will Survive!!! haha.. Good things always last forever.

this entry is to dedicate to not only to anonymous people, but also to any lost soul who is heart-brokened, pessismistic, and looking for direction in life.

Once i met this very wise man, he said: 'people often blog and complain about their daily lives, but i blog to encourage others.'

Truly inspired by his talk, but more often then that, i always, as my faithful readers know, complain in my blog. I think it is an inevitable, hard to change bad habit.

Well, first, we have to admit, we are full of bad habits, and we really have to humble ourselves, and believe, we as humans, will never be, perfect, thats why i as a christian says : i'm a sinner.
For sin, means not hitting the mark, pass the standard, and the standard we adhere to, well, lets put it as 100 % first.

then what else can we do? feel hopeless? accept the fact that we will never be able to reach 100%? have to settle with what we are?

and somehow, our mind, body soul is being built with this longing, this thirst of being fulfilled, the joy of pursuing something so that we can reach a 100%, i.e. shopping, falling into a relationship, playing in computer games, obsession with work, studies, play. ANd more often then not, it never, NEVER ! feel the whole in our heart permanently, we never get fulfilled.

I was once like that. never believed it until i tried, until i met Him.

what's love? Love? is it u looking at a pretty girl with cute eyes and fall into deep trance and start thinking of hanging out with her forever? is it trying to even talk to your annoying parent who when u try to be friendly to them and u got a very hostile response back? is it something your prized posession u will never wish to let go.

A wiser man wiser then the guy i mentioned earlier defined clearly, what is love:
'Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.'

For a moment there, i start to believe what anonymous people used to say : there is no love in this world.
to a certain extent that is true. because, who in this current world, loves like the words described as love above? can imagine? Loving someone is a lifetime commitment! imagine loving a girl, all your life, even u stayed with her long enough, know all her flaws, and u start to grow tired of her, how do you continue to love her? will u not be easily angered by her? will u keep a record of wrongs? will u be patient after 50 years with her? Even the most beautiful girl in the world ( if there is any ) if u do not love the way it stated above, most proabably you will grow tired of her.

how could there be no love?

There is Love, there is true geunine love, to you, to me, to everybody. each individual, love given is the same, no more, no less, and pure genuine, which doesnt even need a cert to certify that cause the cert is unworthy itself.

Think about someone, who, even u lie to him, he forgives u, u decided to say cruel jokes that deliberately hurt him, he took it and forgives again, u steal from him, he finds out, yet he let u keep it, u angry with him yet he still loves u, and not only that, but when you decided to keep all your possessions, money, time to yourself, he decided 'hey, i wanna share my money with u, i want to give u my money, my food, more clothes, my toys, my life, why? because i love you'
and true enough, one day, u met with a life threatening incident, and he took the shot/stab/blast/nailed for you.

And that someone is true, He is near, He can enter your life and be your loved one if u let Him. HE is God. Lord Jesus Christ.

I never believe until i try to make friend with him, yes, ok, im a introvert to higher being, but extrovert to human beings. and i found love, true genuine love.
try friends, try to find love the way i did. you will not regret it.

If u wish to know more, drop me a mail, im glad to tell u more:
the_one_roger@hotmail.com

2008-11-03T21:08:00.002+07:00

we spend most of the time figuring what on earth are we here for.

well, at least i do.
Been thinking so much that i have no idea why am i thinking so much for.

Normally we solve problems, study hard, work hard, hoping that at the end of the rainbow u will find a pot of gold, but usually we dun find that gold, we find the rainbow never ends

Hey, guess what? the rainbow is running in a circle, round and round, never ends.

then we are like little hamsters in a circle toy thing, running yet not moving, working without purpose.

meaningless.

I know i sound morbid here, thats cause im not feeling v cheery right now, especially ironic as it gets closer to my birthday..

to me, its just another day.. im done with hyping things up so much then face disappointment.

somehow, the day looks darker, the sky looks more cloudy and the rain seems more irritating then pleasant.

when u dun feel happy, everything turns grey somehow, and that same thing turns red or yellow when u are joyful.. Ironic meat bags we are...

Morbid day.. Morbid night..

things aren't as colourful without u silly...

2008-10-03T20:19:00.002+07:00

I was thinking alot today, well, i guess being super busy and not enough time to even sit down and have a sigh give u such effects, makes u think when u finally have time.

My company was actually preparing for field camp, yup, an as the platoon sergeant, i am being placed in the die already still kana arrowed category, thats why my workload weighs a ton.

anyway, i was thinking, suddenley, cause i was eating dinner with my parents at downtown east, then get to see a lot of younglings, well, maybe they are only a few years younger then me, but i never be as carefree as them, then made me think of times when i was in JC and in sec sch.

Things would have been so different, although i didnt particularly am very very happy, but i missed those times, i would have made right decisions if i had one more chance. duno la, but things would have been different, i may not become christian.

Then thought of all my friends, they come and go, even super close and good ones, not like my girlfriend who still have close friends in contact, i hardly hear them at all. I only got one pri school friend, who i dun even noe her in primary school, Sharm thats you, then sec sch, well, Aaron and luqman, now currently MIA and duno where they are, JC, got Wens, never even see him in church, Yvonne, went to america and changed, RJ & WK, busy for each other, Zoey and the rest, MIA, Chin Kuan, duno, MIA, oh well, feeling depressed now..

Maybe I didnt make an effort to catch up with them, or maybe when they did catch up with me i just brush it off, i duno.. Maybe army makes u loose all these friends, and yet makes u treasure what matters more, my family and my girlfriend.

I missed all the happy moments i have, with the people who passed by my life.

2008-09-20T10:52:00.002+07:00

Dear readers,

finally after so long again i update my blog which is fading away..

My life have not been fruitful and productive actually, other then some great events like the anniversary i had with my girlfriend, its the same old mundane routine. Same old struggles.

Talking about Struggles, my youth pastor gave me a sentence for thought, he was actually convincing me to join a 6 months tribute programme. but then i was hesitating, and as though he could read my thoughts, he said, God loves people who are struggling.

i was like ????

'Look at Esau and Jacob, in the eyes of man, Esau fared better then Jacob. And even though Jacob sinned, fell, but he turned to God, and God loved him more, Jacob struggled and didnt let God go'

It's true, im struggling in my life, to lead a godly one vs to lead an ordinary worldly one. and Its tiring it tored me apart.

I fliped to the bible, and Genesis 32: 22-31, the story where Jacob wrestled, struggled with God and refuse to let him go. And God blessed him, renaming him Israel because he had struggled and overcome.

Brothers and Sisters, perhaps many of u are like me, struggling, it always seemed impossible to be that ideal christian in our weekdays, but God loved those who keep trying to be one and never give up.

May God love us more..

2008-07-22T07:52:00.002+07:00

Its been a long long time since i blogged..

wow.. guess most of the people would have abandoned this blog site already.. haha..

anyway, i woke up today, feeling spritual, then took my guitar out and start playing Hosaana..

haha,, nice song, but chords are extrememly difficuly.. haha,

i guess there are many things to thank God for, for me, i wanna thank God for my gf, and these wonderful times i have, for my leave, although v little, but i had alot of fun.. yup..

juz wanna share something at a christian conference in Suntec,
called Go forth misson conference..

' (Jesus) are humilatd when you are on the cross, and the most humilating thing of all, you chose us to represent you'

'Our God Saves'

'Imagine if someone cared'

" Abba, a term that civilised Jewish pple dosent use because it is too affectionate'

'Ran to the son, stumbles, continued running.. act of putting on the rope for the son. is act of forgiveness, and the ring, one thing that represent the authority of the father, was given to the son'

'Jesus, foxes have holes, birds have nests, but He doesn't have a place to lay His head, and he chose that path, With that God gave Him the authority being a slave of slaves that Every knee Shall bow'

It happened to me when i was sharing some unfortunate things that happened in my family with my gf, then she told me that i'm not the only one, and when i found out that there is many pple who face the same problem with me, i was shocked, i prayed: God save this world.

We are all so lost, so blinded, so crippled, and we need help, yet we kept indulge into things that doesn't help us, even christians like me, still do indulge in such acts..

Jesus said He came to heal, so that the blind could see, the lame could walk..
And i came to understanding that, only Jesus Heals, only God saves, only my Lord, have the power to break me free.. That i am nothing, Lord you are everything.
With that, i answered an altar call..

For non-christians, if u ever felt pain, and tired of this world, like this world is rushing into doomland, that there is no longer purpose and joy, try Jesus. Open your heart, and learn who He is.

For Christians, God has redeemed us, yet sometimes we chose to sin, chose to get imprisoned. make a prayer, that you would be freed, you will want to please the Heart of god, because he loved you first, therefore you want to love him.. that we will boast to the Lord our God to the one whose worthy.

2008-05-19T19:11:00.002+07:00

Dear all..

Firstly i wanna tell all of u is that please treasure ur moments u have when u are able to sit infront of the com and read this entry.. because pple like me, dun get to do this everyday, only max twice a week for the next 8 months..

read this verse that Job prayed.. and i am very awe by that verse

Job 1:21
Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart.
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
may the name of the Lord be praised.

We always expect the Lord our God to bless and bless and bless..
but do we still listen and praise him when He takes it all away?

Job does his job as God's servant by staying faithful when his poessession has taken away..
He has shown us all that Jesus is Enough.

May we be more like Job in times of trouble.

2008-04-15T19:27:00.000+07:00

You'll never change your life until you change your choices.

If you want something in your life to change, then you'll have to change your choices and actions.

That is because doing the same thing will never get you different results.

In other words, what you do -- the choices you make, the way you treat people, the attitudes you have -- all impact your life. If, by your actions, you're sowing bad seeds, then you'll reap a harvest of those things. 2 Corinthians 9:6 says, Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.

Therefore, if you want to reap abundant harvests in your life, start sowing abundant seeds. That may require changing your choices; but until you change your choices, you'll never change your life.

taken from christnotes.com

2008-03-30T19:36:00.002+07:00

God's Grace

I read from some book some where saying that there is a difference between Grace and Mercy..

Mercy is didnt receiving what u deserved

Grace is reciving what u do not deserve

that's what God's Grace is about, giving u unworthy man, a second / third/ sevety-ith chance every time we lie, covet, lust..

He forgives, and forget.. literally, nv to Dig up the past of u watched porn yesterday night again..

and when u utterly regret what u did, he hold u in his arms saying: Its ok, u are a new guy already, dun dwell on the past, move on..

And u look at Him with Eyes that even a Thank You is not even enough to express how u felt...

Grace.. is to correct not to condemn..

if an adulterer, repents, should the wife forgvie him?

the wife should, and not only that, treat him as the husband that had never commited adultery before..

if everyone in this world is like this, no one will be afraid of being humble and repent of their sin anymore, because that is the standard set by God above..

i bring u a story about Samson, that God showed great Grace to..

Judges 16:28 :' O Soverign Lord, Remember Me, O God, please strengthen me just once more, and let me with one blow get revenge on the philistines for my eyes '

Samson was blessed with great strength by God, condition, no one was suppose to cut his hair..
He was sent to deliver israel out of the hands of the bad guys philistines..

but when he grew up, he fell into lust with girls, then got tricked.. by this philistine girl.. she knew his weakness and cut his hair..

He fell.. and the baddie when to dug his eye out and chain him to a pillar in an old time disco pub of the baddie, the baddie celebrate on top as Samson, fell on his knees and made that prayer above..

with Gods grace and one final blow, his strength came back, and delivered israel out of the baddies

how wonderful is God

lets show his grace to each other today!

2008-03-18T20:26:00.002+07:00

holy tuesday..

there are many dark deeds we have done in our lives, some are so wrong that they are unspeakable, some never brought to light.. many of us have such sins dewlling within us, yet, buried deep down within, only God knows..

How ironic when we go churches every sunday with an sinful past! how wierd to have done deeds that caused Jesus to die.. And when we accept Christ Death adn ressurection, we broke down, repent, and let Christ take our sin away..

Why then do we often forget that Christ saved us from that particular sin? why do we often forget the regret that we have done? And why do we want to do wrong things and nt holy ones?

We are still no matter what unfit to be sons and daughters of God no matter wat, but because God's grace, he'll accept us no matter what we have done, as long as we look back to him.

How Great is our God?

2008-03-16T15:12:00.002+07:00

hello all..

im posting this cause today is palm sunday, and this week is the holy week and i guess we shld be putting in alot of effort in being holy and placing God first in many areas of our lives..

truthfully, i haven been any more holy.. didnt even been reading the bible this few days.. only got awakened just yesterday..

anyway, the point is thati would like to share with everyone the death of Christ, its meaning of what it means by he died so all could live..

ok..

A vague idea, ( i may have even misinterpret the meaning) is the show evangelion..
how the monster( 2nd angel lilith) died and crucified, and humans used it, to study it and make a clone of it using its giant size and strength and a little technology to fight other monsters and protect humanity.. Therefore in a way the monster died to save humanity..

same idea, christ died to save all man..

i was also thinking of the idea of sacrifice offering to God..
that in the past, the levites killed and offered lambs and bulls to God for forgiving their sins.
The animals died for them and shed their sins.
it may sound easy but, have the thought of u , holding a dagger, knife, whatever, shedding the lamb u are holding struugling thru the throat, and see the warm blood splashes into ur face, and the lamb have to suffer that because u sin, u lied, u lust, u covet, u angered, u placed urself first before God.

And if u felt Sad for that lamb u had killed using the dagger. imagine the amount of grieve u have if u nailed a man, who has done nothing wrong in 33 years of his life, perhaps through out history he is the only one that has no sin, and because of u, who lied, who lust, who angered, who is so full of self, u nailed a man, whos was already slashed, teared his skin, thorns forced around the head, and u gave the final blow by nailing him, on a piece of wood, few inches above the wrist.. BAAM! u whack the nail and see him scream.. and thru the feet too.. BAAM! Just because u placed urself first before the one who made u..

And then u look at that man, bleeding, the great man, exhausted, u start to regret the things u did to him, and he looked to ur eyes, despite the blood and tiredness, his eyes are still pure, he said:' Its ok son, I forgive u, Just dont do it again'
And with that, breathed his last..

that is how i pictured How Jesus been Crucified.. thats how i felt.. and i feel if i knew this would happen to him, i would have already stop sinning.. but time and time, we often forget, how much pain he suffered.. Let us remember, the pain, the blood, the pierce, the sound of the hammering the nails BAAM!

no matter what we did in the previous times, let it all behind , and keep at least, this week holy, and many more weeks to come..

2008-03-02T19:22:00.003+07:00

finally book out.. got so bored that got time to blog..

normally time by pass so fast this days, though i am doing the things that i dun like to do.. but time juz whizz past..

unknowing ly it already has been nearly a year to ORD.. and then im almost a year soldier..

going to Uni soon..

this few years so many things happened..

even the past few weeks..

like suay suay kana arrowed as the arm skote spec,
and extra my wisdom tooth..
got a hole in my gum cause of that tooth..

so many things..

and now i having constipation cum stomachache..

ya.. lor.. and then i dun wanna report sick cause scared go back arrow more stuff at me again..

sian..

anyway.. today cell was super duper meaning ful..

Melvin started of by asking us to say the good points about people.. then as we say le, then ask the person how he felt.. who knows as we say say then later most of us all broke down.. crying.. revealing to our tiny cell our true self.. i think its great.. really.. like we really show each other who we really are.. the ugly side of us.. the face without the mask that we wear everyday..

i think most of us have a dark secret in us that we thought its only specific to us and we think its 'special' as pple dun talk about it and we think its exclusive to us only.. turns out that everyone is facing the same thing..

Thank God that He is always there to love us no matter wat we did/ had/want to do.. Thus because of His love, we loved each other..

may God's peace be with u

2008-02-20T20:15:00.002+07:00

Hello fellow readers..

if u have seeing me this few days.. and im talking wierdly.. pls excuse me..

Because i have when for my first operation in my life.. and the truth is that it is actually quite scary.. give u an insight, it includes tools like, knife, Surgical saw, extraction twisers, suction pump..

And i went for the surgery..

thats why im out for 7 days.. Att C 7 days..

the operation is.............
........ extraction of my wisdom tooth.. haha.. hey.. but its scary k..

the anesthetic needle is super duper friggin big.. and i got 4 shots of that in my gum..

if u think thats scary.. they cut of ur gum, u can feel the knife poke poke poke, then u hear the saw. YING YING YIIIIIIIIIIIING! then whaeoWWWWW! then u feel ur tooth being sawed to half.. then they put some blade in the crack and twist it, u feel the crack! then it takes out the tooth.. and then brought thread and needle to sew back..

ok.. in thebiggining i was scared stiff.. then the anestheic makes me so numb then i cant swallow my saliva and it keeps dripping.. so the Doc poke a needle thing into my gum and ask me pain? then i was like.. huh? did u poke somthing? i cant feel a thing..

yup.. but then im awake la.. so u get to hear all the saw.. sounds like a chain saw sawing ur tooth.. oh ya.. and they blind folded me.. i think they scared the patients faint.. but then i was imagining how it was like behind the blindfold..

oh well.. lost a tooth.... maybe because of it, i lost weight!

2008-02-07T16:44:00.000+07:00

Today is Chinese ney year Day 1

Like all CNy.. i dread it..

not the ang pao part, not the tibits part

but juz that im always bored with nothing to do..

cause apart from visiting my motherside grand parents.. i really have no one else to visit le..
and everyone is out.. and no one to contact... agonising..

sometimes right, when we pray God appears so distinctively

This is what happened:

My family came home from Pai nian.. then i open the door with my keys, the key broke into 2, leaving the broken part stuck in the key hole.. and we were locked outside our own house..
so my Dad and i trying figure out many diff types of methods to dig out the broken key.. little finger dig, some twig.. alot of funny thing.. but Mum sat down and prayed.. then suddenly.. DIngDING! she remebered got a saftey pin to dig.. so Dad took it Dig and the key was out, we put in my dad key and open the door...

God obviously gave the wisdom to my mum.. something me and my dad failed to do is to quiet down and pray..

ya..

anyway.. talking bout myself.. been feeling very very temperamental latley.. dunno why.. alot of sudden extreme emotions.. Anger, ENvy, Happiness, Depression..

Seems like im getting screwed up..

any solutions to help?

Betrayed

2008-02-06T21:10:00.000+07:00

I knew thru my guts that i shouldnt have let the Organisation know.. I knew i couldnt trust the leader..

but i just trust the leader cause it was the bloody right thing to do..

And it seemed like i spoke thru the PA system of the organisation.. IM SO PISSED!!!

and it seems as though they have the 'holier than thou' attitude.. pissed...

2008-01-13T21:05:00.000+07:00

whoa.. so long never update blog le..

k la..

I recently got disciplined by God..

and when He discipline.. its not like the officers who going to burn ur weekends away then after that u will be ok..

its not like police where he give u a rotan and u just pain a while and leaves a scar

God, threatens to take the people u treaures the most, away for a day or 2, and then see u learn from ur lesson or not..

abd at that point of time.. u feel like.. God why not u just take my life instead... and he purposely dun...

ya..

Thats what really happen if u disobey God.. time and time again until a point He says.. thats the limit...

Thank god for being merciful..

and im given a second chance..

Im SO not going to waste it..

treasure every chance u have.. cause u may never noe it may be the last..

2008-01-01T22:47:00.000+07:00

Hello guys..

I have to admit.. my spiritual level is down right low low low

maybe cause of my amry duties that im skipping church..

or maybe i didnt get my priorites right

how do one keep their focus anyway? i mean its like for me, like after service or smth, i tell my self, lets go full swing and be holy and stay there, be holy.. be godly.. stay with God.. it lasts for about a day or two, then goes back to my old ways again... must find a way to make it lasts...

Any solutions?

watched im legend..

and when the movie says : Its quieter now, its easier to hear what God is telling us to do this days..

Sounds like God talking to me..
cause in Guard duty or any duty.. its quiet, u gotta stay awake and u are alone..
i think God is trying to send something through

mus learn to listen to Him le

anyone noes how?

Solutions pls...

2007-12-25T15:42:00.000+07:00

Merry Christmas!!

HAHA.. very long never update le.. i noe.. sorry..

ANyway..

Christmas, we must never forget the one who is the most important..

No, not Santa, not shopping, and not Santarina, not girls

Its Jesus Christ himself..

THe birth of a Saviour,

The begining of a sign that God tell u that u are saved..

that there is hope for every man, a solid place that we can stand.

Jesus is hope for every man..

He overcomed tepmtation from Satan himself, stick to God's word even to death, And have Faith in God..

We should always ask ourselves,

how can we be like him today?

Where am i not like him?

If u are a christian reading this, i invite u to take up this challenge, to have a screening on urself on where are u not like christ, and how u can be more like him.. and we will check again next christmas to see how much u have improved, yup

For those christians having trouble like me.. i would like to tell u all to treat this christmas like a birth of Jesus, like the Jesus within u is borned, to renew, reconcile and believe in God, to leave ur life of sin.. and walk Godly today..

Yup..

Feel free to tag and leave ur comments!

Halleuljah for the Wonderful counsellor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father ,Prince of Peace

Jesus is the Gift this christmas

2007-12-20T20:51:00.000+07:00

long time no see guys..

ok..

here's a short msg.. cause im super bz packing for trm book in..

Something i learn... that sometimes men fall, God punishes them yet forgives them...

Just like how a parent punishes the child and yet forgives them in the heart, in the hope that they dont commit the mistakes again..

therfore a correct mindset in Repenting is that, Forgiveness does not equals to no punishments,
punishments still stands for any mistakes / sin / that is commited.. yup..

anyway, my Eagle coy extreme obese recurits are super high and happy bunch of people..

they dun care bout anything except losing weight..

they really enjoy true happiness everyday.. blessed are they!

guess this is what it meant by the first be the last and the last be the first..

Lord, i pray that u wll guide me daily, and give me the discipline to read your word daily and put them into actions.. may i always make godly choices and purge my sins out of me.. im willing to recover, breakdown and grow in u, may u bless my loved ones around me, bless them more then u bless me.. Amen..

2007-12-02T15:17:00.000+07:00

Hello guys...

something i learn today in Church.. so before i forget, i hurry blog to put this down...

So what happened was i was playing some card game called munchkin with Wensley , chin Kuan and Wei Theng...

Then when i was about to get ' cursed' by Wensley and Chin Kuan, i found out that i was actually begging them not to ' curse' me... cause if they do, i bound to lose... and then i will lose all my 'treasures' and 'levels'

And then though they didnt and some how, by pure luck, i won the game, but didnt had much satisfaction.. partially cause they wanna hurry finish the game and go for lunch..

But the other side of the story is that I can see God sending me a message..

A few days ago, i was super discouraged by the fact that Being a BMT sergeant was a difficult task and is prone to 'curses' and ' disadvantages'

But then what i learn was that, actually my life in BMT is just like the Munchkin game... For those 'treasures' I held so dearly for, worth nothing when the game ended... And for those who just played the game with the true purpose of fellowship, the Treasure will be with them till eternity..

I understood...

God commanded us not to be afraid and discouraged... ( Joshua 1:18)
You have no choice, u cannot be afraid and discouraged, cause its a commandment..

Matthew 6:33:
But Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

2007-11-30T21:19:00.000+07:00

before i start complaning..

here's a bit of thing that can make me happy..

my photo on some taiwan blog!!!

cause i bought their t shirt la...

check it out :http://blog.roodo.com/rainbowiscoming/archives/4470391.html

haha

ok.. i'm going to complain..

ITs never easy being a sergeant in BMT...
You get extras like get push ups like that...

book out is irregular, i stay so far away and life sucks..

even when u book out, hoping to see a nice home, there is no peace at home...

and the aching in my head, never dies offf..

even the aching in the heart..

it sucks..

i dont understand, how come pple can still be so optimistic,
and im sorrying till crazy, like im insane..

sigh.. 080207 seems so far away..

2007-11-25T19:07:00.000+07:00

YAY.. I POPed.. Became a Sergeant, given more power.. and spider-man says : With Great power comes great reponsibilities..

And God Blessed me with these.. i have to make it right for Him

Haven really been knowing Him well.. didnt even put in the effort to even to talk to Him, Listen to His advice, His calling..

I need to quieten myself.. search for him once again.. since i have added responisbilities, i require more help from God...

I reluctantly made my sacrifices to make my life godly once again.. and its not just painful.. its scourging in the heart.. but it have to been done..

will update more soon...

found a blog:http://stupidspeakstosilly.blogspot.com/

2007-11-18T21:19:00.000+07:00

You dont need pain to tell u that actually u are in trouble.. somehow, i can feel it..

at this point of time, although im like kinda blessed, i felt super duper terrible.. like living in a lifeless soul... yup.. thats me..

i look at the things i have yet i am not satisfied, why? because i couldnt gain any satisfaction.. i felt condemned, felt negelected..

i have so many things now, the love of my family, the wonder of my companion, the wealth that govt gives, the freedom to wander or buy anything, yet.. i felt dead..

i felt lifeless..

i have been neglecting God from my life, no quiet time, not even obeying his word..
going against every values that i was built for, built to become...

and i juz find it easy to ask for forgiveness, but hard to repent...

really really need a lot of prayer and help..

and behind the facade i put to let others see im fine in church,
deep inside guts are rotting...

yup..

i need to find him Jesus in this mist... sorry Lord, come back to my life, my relationship, be one in me so i could be like u again...

I gotta do something..

but what?

2007-11-14T19:35:00.000+07:00

hello...

back from taiwan..

didnt actually have time to blog bought taiwan.. but now nights out so make use of this few hours to give a summurised one

yup...

ok so the highlight in training was my navigation exercise, where we get to move in groups of 4 and then go to our checkpoint which is over 3 km away over mountains.. yup..

so what happened to me was that we climbed a 90 deg cliff up and then nearly fell , actually i neraly fell..

those near deaths inicdents..

really.. sure die one.. look down will die.. haha

its like 400 meters above ground yup..

so when i slipped and fell before catching on to another vine..

i thought of all the silly things i treasure in life..

my family, frens, church, etc

yup..

feels like God gave me a second chance to live again like that..

feel kinda blessed..

seems like only thru near death situations u learn to treasure life..

yup..

and after taiwan, come home, notice everyone sure miss me... relatonships grew stronger, family got closer, frens got treausred..yup

2007-10-21T20:25:00.000+07:00

Hello guys..

Im going to taiwan now..

flying off tonight..

i want to share everyone this verse

Hebrews 11:25
He chose to be mistreated with God's people than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin

yupp...
remember to always do whats right, even tho its hard, and the wrong way is the easy way out...

stay Godly!

2007-10-15T19:57:00.000+07:00

5 more weeks to pop...

next week going to taiwan to train..

and i've cleared all the hellish training..

so nothing really stands in my way to getting 3 sgt..

if i was few weeks before.. i really never thought that i could do it.. but i did...

I guess despite how spiritually low i am with God, how un faithful i have been to him, he still answers my prayers.. He still bless us.. how despicable i have been..

point to note: when u are spiritually down, normally pple around u have low spiritual well being too.. for example, my parents, especially my dad, can see im losing him in tuggin him to follow christ.. got to work on that before losing everything... and my buddy, wensley.. doesnt seems to be seeking God for help anymore.. and seeing him indulging in meaningless games and spending money on meaningless stuff.. all i can do is 'tsk' and feel the ache...

got to make me spritually high again.. got to help others.. even though i am more blessed by others..

here i would like to wish all those silly pple out there having their exams, good luck.. remeber, do your best, and let God do the rest... and i'll be praying.. so no worries!

kk.. here's a little comic strip...

going to say that to my wife someday.. hee hee..:p

2007-09-28T20:34:00.000+07:00

came back from another hard week of training, comes with a free package of an injured knee.. and it still hurts now, although i didnt report sick in order to enjoy this friday night boo kout priviledge..

In the camp was actually emo-ing almost everyday... like why am i fighting so hard for? seeing everyone got gold for ippt and pass SOC like a breeze i was like about to tell myself : 'Face it CX, u cant do it, u are not as fit as them..' then saw my ex-platoonmate from Juliet that he OOC, i meant he used to be rather fit, but rather weak in his mental stress kinda thing... so he OOC..
and i kept asking myself.. why am i still here..

I kept seeking help. reading the bible day by day, seeking help from my loved ones, kept calling them call until no batt, and the batt.. forgot to bring home to charge.. and next week got only sunday morn book out night book in, i think no need call so much le..

everything crashes down... when u juz look it at all the bad parts of ur life.. u really feel like ending it once at for all.. im enduring because im fortunate enough to have at least one good part in my life...

worse thing is when u do a spiritual check on urself, u noe u are seriously sick. it comes in when , u start to have feelings of deciet, jealousy, envy, anger,start to curse, swear, and when u read God's words, its juz words, that doesnt reach my heart as they use to anymore..

I'm screwed...

I;m soo screwed..

because next two weeks challenges ( no rest/book out) will be super duper great... I will have 32 km march, plus 7 missions on the way, onve of them is river crossing so it means marching in soaked uniform and boots, gotta have serious abrasions, and then no rest then we got on to field camp... which means dig shell scrape, foxhole and fire trench.. the thought of it almost make me cry le... how am i going to go thru this...

I'm afraid..
more afraid so when God seems to be forsaking me.
God,
I know u are unhappy with me thru this week lord, for i am unworthy in you eyes, time and time again i said i'll change but when i faced challenges i didnt take the hard way but the easy way out, for that u forsake me.. i'm sorry.. i pray that u could help me put everything back again, to make my life once again fulfilling, and to support all the people around me.. i hoep u could change my heart, change me, make me be the man u want me to be, and pour ur blessings on me lord.. take away my self doubt and fear, and change it into courage and hope not only for myself but for others also...

this is your unworthy servant praying...

Godly man

2007-09-23T18:03:00.000+07:00

Lord i'm doing all i can to be a better man...

A song by robbie williams..

Last week, i made this prayer in church. i wanna be a godly man..

and during the week, many bad things happened.. my soul mate is having doubts, my army life seemed super unpleasent, my grandma hospital bill came..

and i blamed God that how am i going to handle all this... with all this problems, how am i going to be a godly man...

Today, i went to church.. talked to some pple, but yet, feeling rather alone.. and then somehow, this little voice spoke in me and i found out the answer..

A godly man is a man that made godly decisions when faced with problems.

How blind i've been! found out that God is actually giving me opportunities to solve them!
yup.. and i decided.. to do it..

trust in God and follow our hearts, cause only our hearts know what to do...

Chaos

2007-09-20T20:21:00.000+07:00

my life right now.. chaos..

got into a company which is screwed, which makes my thoughts screwed...

for a moment there, i thought i was in heaven, who noes i ended up at the opposite side of the scale...

all i have that keeping me to carry on is His word...His love
and my loved ones whos supporting me..

found out that actually im a super pessimistic, worry too much and low self esteem kinda guy in army..

tried to change.. but its really really hard process... painful also.. and i get paranoid super easily.. super sian..

God, pls help me.. sigh..

Lord Jesus, your servant here is suffering in pain, may Your holy spirit mould him to become the man You want him to be, and be blessed to glorify your name.. amen..

2007-09-04T21:54:00.000+07:00

i want to post a post before booking back into camp and book out next time since God knows when..

And juz in case there are readers out there who really got pay attention to my blog..

yup.. Here goes..

I want to Thank God for everything.. for how this past few weeks for me, had been a wonderful dream to me, how He had greatly blessed me with loved ones who supports me all the way, how miracles happen, hoe he puts my life back in order. and for the amazing break i have for 5 days before booking in.. wonderful...

here i would like to make a promise to my loved ones, my parents, my friends, pple who are close to me.. that i want to be a good son, friend, partner, soldier.
i feel that, all those bad thoughts i had, bad things that i do, should die off from this day on..
because im loved.. by a God most high.. feels unfair if he bless me and i dont bless his gifts if i dont keep myself holy..

and i want to be good to my loved ones too.. i want to be, for once, responsible, sensible, and be true to the pple around me.. so that they can walk with me in the way of the Truth..

yup.. thank you God.. thank u...

2007-09-02T19:44:00.000+07:00

ok..

here is something i like to share before i forgot to say it out..

ok.. had this cell group in the afternoon in church.. only 4 of us.. so sad.. and my most respected cell leader, who possess such great analysing and leadership skills, melvin, finally help me to clarify some doubts.. super happy..

he came to touch a topic on time management..

and he drew a box that we should be all too familiar..

:[important] [not important]
[urgent] [not urgent]

well, then we came to conclude that we kept focusing on the things that are important and urgent, like studies, working, all those things we worry..

and if u have frequently refer to the WORD, it tells us that Jesus told Martha not to worry..
because only one thing is required.. and that is being with God and know His WORD..

He explained that actually we neglect alot on the not urgent but important things.. like exercising, building relationships and our spiritual life... and when these things are neglected long enough, when the time of need comes, they will turn to become the things that are important and urgent.. this is why, we should focus more on things that are important and not urgent..

after hearing this, the sky suddenly seemed brighter.. like i juz got smacked on the face and God say, its time to wake up.. yup.. haha

Hope this things helps u too..

some other thing i want to share is that i found out how it really feels when u start to love pple around u.. and as in corinthians 13.. thats really exactly how it feels, like u willing to do anything for them.. yup.. seeing my parents helping me to wash my clothes, sew my torn stuff, my dad who buy me things i like, and nice pple who accompany or listens to me when im down.. u really want to say a very big thank you and you know that its not enough..

and most importantly, we must leaarn how to love God too.. yup.. cause he is the one who really gives u all this things,, haha.

oh.. here i want to open to an invitation to any one out there who really wants to know more about who this Jesus i'm talking aboout is and willing to know more, please place a tag on my tagboard and perhaps could invite u over to my church someday.. haha..

2007-08-31T22:38:00.000+07:00

Now, recruits call me.... Coporal Soh!

haha, soporal only then so happy, wonder i become sergeant how..

anyway.. today watch evan almighty.. then God ( the movie one.. Morgan freeman )
brought up this, that when u pray for patience, does got give u some magical zap for u to become patient or does he gives u the OPPORTUNITY to become patient..

just like when u pray for love in ur family ... does the love comes when it just happens, or does God gives u the OPPORTUNITY to make it happen..

Thats a super great thing that i brought home with me... yup.. food for thought..

u noe u ever had that warm fuzzy feeling that u noe someone is actually there for u to turn to or talk to everytime... no matter who they were, family, loved ones, friends... yup.. suddenly got that feeling when i was reading some book.. but ya.. its great..

oh... remembered wat i want to say liao

ok.. so i found out why pple are ususally like this : the go home to rest / sleep / and wakes up and feel tired... or play to relax go on com and play and yet still v tired..

because we spent on our effort on the wrong things.. like playing/ going out / and get back to work on monday again..

what we should do is to have a good rest/ slack/ watch tv/ sleep..

And sleep is not too much/ must like 8 hours enuff le.. if not sleeep too much will have the this condition.. called : i sleep like pig thing.. haha

so when u have free time.. work on the right stuff like doing home work.. rest on the right time when its time to rest.. this way, u wont have fatigue or tired ness le..

works for me.. but hardly ever do it.. cause its difficult stuff.. haha

2007-08-25T09:19:00.000+07:00

4 more days to becoming a coporal...

kept consouling myself that others took 2 years to becoming a coporal while i only took 5 months..

got a premonition that i would go to ASLC, becoming a 3rd sgt... feeling abit sad, a bit happy, a bit emotionless...

still couldnt pass SOC though.. failed by 7 seconds.. but finally, i could clear every obstacles one shot.. felt very happy the other day... guess i go ASLC then start training for it ba...

currently, feeling a bit.. souless... like have no purpose, no true emotions, no nothing.. even book out doesnt have that kick of going home is shiok anymore..

perhaps its because that I had been very very far away from God.. God beggining to take away my purpose? been stop doing quiet time, stop believing and even stop praying..

what's make it worst is that lotsa people around depend on me to share christ with them, to help them know the truth.. and if i fall in my faith, there goes theirs too.. people like my parents, who do not hear me preaching anymore, so their faith is like, shaky.. Wens, i duno.. maybe i should give him some spritual support, but like now, never... and also, lotsa my bunk mates, who very enthsiastically wanna noe who is Jesus, and i juz, well, sad to say, push them away temporarily cause i'm lazy to preach... yup.. Sinner me...

no wonder i had been feeling empty...

got to start soon, before i , or anyone aroundme back slide...

here is something i want to share with people all of u out there...

it happened to me as in the first few weeks of sispec, i am not adjusted to the environment yet, i hated being there, therefore, i treasure my family, my friends, all those who are close to me..
and like a few weeks later, where i adjusted liao, and started to find that the environment is fun, i start to feel that my family friends and even pple who are close, redundant, boredom, and even fustrating..

Did they change? I asked my self... I think i did...

I guess this is what God meant when he refered to clouded by earthly things..

sometimes, when we are clouded withsudden burst of emotions of attractions, desires for earthly things, we tend to gt blinded and deviate from what our heart wants the most...
Like when a man saw a super hot girl, he tend to forgets the wife he had who gone thru thick and thin with him for 20 years.
Or like, when we found a new group of friends, we tend to forget friends who sacrificed so much for u..
Or like, we love to go out, drink play, have fun, we tend to forget about being quiet and be there to worship God..

thats why.. sometimes, before we go WOW and indulge ourselves in fun, laughter and insanity, its good to stop, take a step back, and think.. what is important to u and who u should spend time with..

yup... it applies to me alot.. this principle.. hope it doesnt happen in your life too..

Stupid me..

2007-08-19T15:46:00.000+07:00

SHeesh.. I kept having this song stuck in my Head..

I Just Call To Say I Love You...

Dunno why, maybe because i heard that song played over the ice cream bar last night..

but its kinda nice.. haha.. oldies..

Anyway.. If u are wondereing what movies to watch this weekend or something..
Secret by Jay Chou is highly recommended, cant wait to but the OST when its out...

the twist is facinating...

Anyway, have u ever once felt that u just want to keep recall about something that happen and dun wish to sleep?
yup, i think i did that, thats why i fel that i never sleep ( i think) keep thinking of what wonderful night it was last night..

sigh.. back to reality ... booking in tonight..

Wens having grand slam, and me? SOC.. sheesh..

Well. been thinking alot.. I have to start to leanr to believe again, believe in myself, more postive thinking kinda thing, that, i could eventually learn or do something well... i wanna learn music! piano or guitar... but guess ahve to start from grade 1 or smth like that with the kids..
guess if i want to do it, i have to believe and persist...

got 2 songs other that song above stuck in my head.. can u guess whats the next one?

meanwhile,
enjoy..

2007-08-17T20:02:00.000+07:00

I'm out again.. should rejoice everytime i have chance to be out..

so many things happened this week..

hmm,
first, i cant clear SOC low rope again
second, got a confirmed list of pple going in to OCS and i'm not one of them because of SOC
third, hearing bout several problems happening at home.
fourth, got into the 9 divison infantry parade but substituting one guy, and it rained during the parade so we marched in the rain, rather honoured.
fifth, several of my mates not happy cause i got into the parade but they didnt
sixth, finally cleared low wall..

hmm.. u are right, i seemed to have more negative thoughts then positive ones, just look at the list up there...

sheesh, me and my automatic negative thoughts... Got to find a way to work on that...

anyway, i got to thank a special some one which i think i should have thanked like since BMT, well as u know, i in army very sian, no one to talk to le, but she is patient all along to hear all my rantings, talking to me, hearing my crap, ok have to admit sometimes i get too overboard and start to piss her offwith my negative thoughts, but she's nice enough to stand by all the way.. truly touched, and i felt so bad that when she needs help i dun even noe whether i'm available..
thanks alot, really,, u know who u are. probably u are the only emotional support i have within this 2 years. I thank God that i have met such a wonderful you.

Got to book in trm morning cause i missed out some stupid first aid lesson for the parade.. sianz.. but ok la, afternoon come out le..

Tired

2007-08-10T23:34:00.000+07:00

just came back from eskibar in holland V.. Very kool place...

there was this room which have a temp of -11 deg with a bar top made out of ice...

ordered a wrong drink which tasted like a cheap soft drink.. yv they all had so much cooler and more alcoholic drink.. jealous...

She's flying off tomorrow, thats why we met today.. sigh.. wrote me a card like thing.. saying smth like :' ... know that u are a caring and nice person , but you have to be more confident of yourself and dun care so much about what others say ...'

Shes so right... for your info, well, we didnt met as frequent as last time this days, yet she still knows my character.

Infact, i think that is my greatest problem in me.. low self esteem..

just like this morning, where everyone get to clear SOC except for me, i felt so demoralised, and especially when i compare myself to Wens, he like always get the good stuff.. Seems like God has always blessing him, clearing SOC, silver for ippt and have a good bunch of frens kinda thing..

me felt, kinda unblessed, useless infact, like never had what others have..

that hit the spot.. problems of all problems..

got to learn to overcome it manz..

anyway, I hope i can see yvonne again.. and when I do see her again, I hope she see a more confident and better man in me...

Take good care,yv

2007-08-04T21:31:00.000+07:00

so much happened after the last entry..

YUp.. i came back alive and well after all the field camp...

God was with me.. Thank God...

I'm now really changed, even my platoon and section mates say so...

I'm no longer worried, more daring to venture straight at my fears..
Guess that has what God has trained me to become, a stronger man...

Yvonne messaged me yesterday, saying that she's flying to America to study..
I gotta miss her...
Lets pray for her,
Lord, please take care of this wonderful friend of mine,
for although she has not known You, may your gospel reach her heart even in America, and even though she is so far away, please take ggod care of her and keep her away from harm and sin. And i pray i could meet her again someday in the future.
Amen.

Man, I got to miss her, some how, i got mixed feelings everytime she say she going to go away..
and ever since i got into army, all my friends are leaving me, or am i leaving my friends?

Either way, friends, is here today and gone tomorrow, which is very sad la...

But at least I know God is with me..

Oh, and saw wild boar, i meant had a close encounter with wild boar in field camp, it came and tried to steal our field rations, caused us sleepless nights.. hahah.. v funny

keep praying

My prayers

2007-07-28T10:52:00.000+07:00

Back from another week of intense training, out of this world challenges and also hard- to endure - mixed with - much- vulgarities -reprimanding.

And thank God i survived...

I want to share with u what happened to me for the past few days..

Thinking back much much earlier of me before i got myself enlisted, i made a prayer to God, that hoping that He would mae me stronger, more mature, and to discover that hidden abilities he placed in me.

And God Answered my prayer more then i ever take it.

I was sent to SISPEC as everyone knows, being a i-dont -noe- anything and just wanna pass it through the whole course as a low profile guy and post to a slack unit.

Now, i am a guy, who is holding a appointment of section commander, was holding a appointment as platoon sergeant for last 3 days, will hold the appointment as section commander for next week misson ( GRANDSLAM ) at tekong, and will hold the appointment of platoon sergeant again for last day of GRANDSLAM. And i got Silver (which i never got before cause i thought i cant do it ) for IPPT.

Dont ask me how i do it, i also duno, but all i know is that, all this, is GOD GIVEN.. He, training me to be a leader.. ANd teaching me how to work under major stress ( which i am still working on it, as my platoon mates noe how stressed up i am )

I'm not boasting here, cause even for me right now thinking the things i have done or am going to do, if it was the past me, i would say : It's impossible, i can't do it.

But I did, and i know it was with the Help of GOd.

And I thank HIM..

THank GOd

The message i want to send to people out there is that :
If there is people out there thing that u cant do it, cant do certain thing, that u are weak useless and a guy with no special abilities. YOU ARE NOT!

Say a prayer to our dear Heavenly Father, and watch how overwhelmongly he answers your prayer..

And becareful with such prayers, as such changes can come sooner or even change more drastically that u cannot even take it, where u even break down and cry for help..

But God's watching, and God tells you to get up and move on..

2007-06-30T09:32:00.000+07:00

Got into school of infantry specialist..

the place is like hell..

Sergeants scold u and dun care bout you.. the training is tough, and u dun have rest time..

i dunno how am i going to go thru it..

Dear God
Help me go through this 9 more weeks.. give me strength courage and wisdom.. im afraid i cant do it, afraid of making mistakes, im afraid of the scoldings and punishments...

Lord, i know that if i go through this 9 weeks, i will become i better man, but i need you to let me feel your presence with me, wrap me with your righteousness and confidence, and let me do all things right, im afraid, but with you, everything is possible..

Lord take good care of my family also, for i love them dearly, and i also pray that you will be able to let me be more strong mentally, lord, and pray that u will helpp me get into university after this 1 year 9 months more..

Lord, if i get through all this, and become a better man, i will submit all this new skills and character back to you, i will serve u with all my life..

in Jesus Christ most holy name,
Amen.

2007-06-19T16:37:00.000+07:00

Found this bible in popular Jp today.. actually wanna buy it but it cost 30 bucks...

What so special about the bible?

IT's a COMIC BIBLE!!!!

Darn.. some one stole my idea of creating it already...
no matter

its great aint it? its wonderful.. i guess its the best things that God have ever given to us..

Check it out at : www.mangabible.com

Create site...

Hope i could join the team one day..

wonderful..

2007-06-18T15:55:00.000+07:00

Tada!

Juz came out from gurad duty.. serve finish my punishments for the 16 click thing...

Then stupidly go watch some korean drama movie, call smth bout spy girl and kinda like lovey dopey kinda thing and now make me so emo... shucks...

I have to really admit, Korean girls are cute manz..

but when u got so indulged in the movie right, u start to not take notice of how they look, but how they react to their boyfriends.. how to put it.. hmm..

Its like Lust and Love kinda thing,

Lust makes ur heart go faster and let u say a : WWAH!
Love makes ur heart melt and u go like : OOoooohhh...

SHucks.. talking like some sec sch girls ( kinda like lydia and charis O_o)

yeah, but thats the point, everytime watch le, u feel like u really got this tingling sensation of lovey lovey feeling, kinda nice actually.. haha..

today no preaching la... juz blogging..

my life is in a mess as usual.. got so manythings to clear, so many things need to finalise and so many things i have to do, and its all not done..

finally, guess i got to Clear things up with HER..

Dun ask...

having this headache right now.. ever since puberty.. headsaches comes non stop 24 7.. only stops when u sleeps.. no wonder joo leng loves sleeping..

bored, yet dun wanna do my stuff haha..

2007-06-12T21:19:00.001+07:00

POP lo..

Finally after 3 months right... well, now i feel kinda sad. like miss BMT like that..
haha..

wonder where i will be posted to.

Anyway. im here to do another sharing... yupz.

ok, everyone is familiar with Number 23 which Jim carrey acts right?
and the famous quote from the bible Numbers 32:23
Your sins will find you out

and some how, when u commit a sin, done something that u know is wrong. and some how, get away from it, you will always stumble and hit smack on it. and then ur guilt makes u feel uncomfortable all the time. and some times, even, u will have retribution or karma.

Well. God make it that way. that whatever you do, you should answer for ur actions, and even confess..

yeah.. i did too.. thats why i got punished...

Gurad duty on 17th...

but the point is i answered for my actions, instead of running away. and i guess im proud of it.

2007-06-09T20:55:00.000+07:00

Im really glad that people are refering to my blog as a source of motivation to them. And im also really glad that they could get closer to God throught this words of mine.

However I will like to tell everyone here that I may not be that great person u may see in you guys eyes. Its God that its great. Not me.

Why?

Because i noe myself, i perhaps may be the worst man in the universe. I noe what i have done, i noe my sins. and i may be even worse then u.

but time and time again, God forgave my sins, and time and time again i disappoint him... Am i too much i ask myself? I noe i am, but He still look at me with those 'Its ok son, u have another chance'

The choice its still mine to make God proud and let him say :' U finally changed, u finally did it !'

yeah..

ANyway, continuing from my previous post, i can see how blessed i actually am...

Whatever i do, i depend greatly on God.

Especially when it comes to IPPT.

I been failing, and that night, i prayed, infact everyone prayed.. hard...

I passed.

i dunno how, i never pulled 6 pull ups with an injured arm, i never jumped 221 and even if i passed 216 its a miracle. but some how, i felt that, when i pull up, god assisted me,

when i jumped SBJ, GOd pulled me higher.

Jesus said, if u have faith of a mustard seed, u can move mountains, was my faith less then a mustard seed?

perhaps, maybe. yeah.

2nd thing i would like to share is this story my christian buddy in my platoon shared with me.

he told me that in peaceful times, u walk along a beach, u see 2 steps of foot steps, one is myself, the other is God.

in Harsh times, u see one set of foot steps, u start to blame GOd. GOD! where are you when i need u! why did u forsake me?

GOd answered: i didnt forsake u, i was carrying u and runnning away from danger.

How it touched me with this simple story. and how little faith we all have. i would always cvry why God forsake me too...

3rd thing i wanna share is about love.

been wondering why they said faith hope and love, love is the greatest.

And it struct me that. even those who are evil loves, loves the things they have, love the things they want, love their girls, their partners, love money.

How great love is.

and how difficult to have a true, godly kinda love.

Prayer works!

2007-05-30T09:19:00.000+07:00

Everytime in the Army i pray to get closer to God, and to know him better, He does it in a way that he breaks me to make me dependant on him.

Just like now, where i know i could have passed my IPPT test and SOC, but because i strained my muscle and i know it is impossible to recover before the test, i am most likely going to fail.. so i prayed...

Got a very bad feeling that i am going to be posted to a very very jiat lat unit...

and not going to be sergeant already...

Hearing bout Wens passing his IPPT makes me feel well, useless.. to tell you the truth i always thought that i was fitter then him, guess i was wrong...

God is putting me thorugh the Worst moments of my life.

Crazy Army life, stupid family matters, heavy load on my shoulders. Problems problems..

All i can do is trust in the lord, that through all this, he will train me to be some one he wants me to be..

Wens seems to be more prone to vulgarities now, even seems like he is speaking on his own..

im fighting against it still...

God, I really need yourr help, This 2 years, full of stumbles, trials and sorrows. i will not be able to make it through without your word and blessings, may you be with me and guide me along. I will not pray that i will be able to skip this 2 years, for as Jesus didnt prayed that he will be able to skip crucifixion. because if this is your will for us, then let it be done. because we know that you will bless us with strength and endurance and most of all wisdom to by pass this 2 hard years. may your will be done in me. Amen.

2007-05-12T21:16:00.000+07:00

Life after 9 april 2007 feels................. defiled.

everywhere i turn and look, it seems like everything is somewhat wrong.
and they are all invading into me, turning me into one of THEM.

even i do have occasional slips and stumbles sometimes.

Vulgarities everywhere.
Sex seems to the only pleasure there.
Encouraging us to be Self centred
Rage is highly recommended.
Encourage us to pursue for worldly treasures.
Universal Love seems to be an insipid thing.

And some how, the reception in Tekong is not so good.
My messages i prayed doesnt seems to reach God's ears.

and i couldnt hear his voice anymore.

even after i book out.

Tried to go back to Chruch to perhaps find His presence there, and yet, i still feel that emptiness in me.

In short, i'm in deep trouble.
No, no,
i mean,
i felt dead.

living a life without meaning or purpose.

Even u find ways and means to jot yourself up to feel some excitement in life. Like playing games and going out and watch some movies.

It still feels empty, my heart still keeps still..

Lord, Lord, why have u forsaken me?

HOpe i could be filled up again,
Hope some one out there could help me.

Oh yeah, and pray for Wens and CK, for they are going through hell camp, i meant field camp this week... wonder why funny things they have grow on their body..

Pls make me alive back.

2007-05-11T09:52:00.000+07:00

Back from Hell Camp..

Its field camp

field camp = march 8 km, with a heavy back pack, vest and rifile, build basha on this uneven ground with dead leafs, not enough water to drink, no clean water, sleepless nights, dig a mud trench, sleep in that grave-like trench, wake up every 2 hours for guard duty for 1 hour, prone till ur back ache, run 3 k every morning

and worst is that, it rained... so my trench is super muddy..

I prayed in tekong, and some how, i feel that, Tekong have Bad reception to GOd.
cause he didnt answer my prayers there..

but he did answer one thing.. i didnt have guard duty..

in the army, its like they force you to sin

situation:
I did something worng with other 5 frens: total 6 pple
rule: if 6 other pple commit an offence worst then you will be substitued.
3 got subbed.. im the last guy cause i didnt clear jacob's ladder
so the last 3, kept hoping some one do something wrong...

SEEE: HOPING SOME ONE TO DO SOMETHING WORNG.. its bad right? its wrong...
but we got subbed anyway.. got one guy didnt cause he commited another mistake..

and thus no guard for me..

gotta set my mind into the right directon this sunday before boook in.. need some help in church

believe that army will be a bit more fun if wens is ard with me...

he'll love the trench thing..
good gracious for his field camp

p.s : my hand is rotting now,, there is wierd rash growing on my hand.. they say its normal?!

2007-04-28T10:32:00.000+07:00

Book out...

Life in army, full of stumbling blocks...

A spiritual warfield is in there... Vulgarities flying around, aiming at you, and u are so tempted to follow the ways of the world...

And when u book out, u would rather stay in camp...

why?

its a funny thing...

When freedom is taken away from you, you dont desire anything, just living and sleeping will suffice, but when freedom is given to you back, you want so many things but you couldnt get it...

Just like....

I wanna watch spiderman 3.. but the day it opens is my book in day...

I wanna buy spiderman 3 soundtrack.. but no money...

I want to meet all my friends, but too busy to settle stuff b4 go into army...

Twant I want I want
I cant I cant I cant

And my faith in God who loved me most.. dwindles...
I start to worship Gods of this world, Money, power, ranks, and domination..

Where is the servant king?
where is the Christ in me?

I desperately need God's help to let me go through all this...

One thing which is Good is that im training very hard, to build the temple of God...

ANd thats the only thing im proud of...

Lord help me..

2007-04-06T20:30:00.000+07:00

Hello brothers and sisters..
This will probably be my last post for the next 2 years, and i want to make the best out of it...

And today is a very significant day, becasue today is Good Friday. The day where Jesus was crucified, hung on the cross, and breathed his last.

Hold on you non-believer out there, as all i wanted is to answer your enigma you have about the problems in this society.

All of us admit that there is something wrong in this world, everywhere we turn, we get an infinite amount of ambiguous question. For example what are u here on earth for? what is your purpose... From difficult questions like who created earth, and is the big bang theory valid, to simple questions like does the chicken comes first or the egg? Such questions can never be answered.

But because that we believe in God, We know that He is almighty and soverign, which means he creates and is in control of all things, sucht things, can simply, be answered with God.
God make u here because he have a purpose for you, God created the universe. God created chickens, then chicken lay egg... so chicken first..

yeah... and you better dun give the tsk sound, cause if u think it more indepth, u noe its right

I wanted to share about today sermon i had in church, it is very good, and here i make a confession, i cried... Cause whatever my deaconess said, it refered to me...

Matthew [21:6-11]
Jesus entered Jerusalem, on a donkey, and everyone in the city warmly welcome him, that is called palm sunday.. Many people Shouted: ' Hosanna to the Son of David '
But they asked: ' Who is He?'

They praised him, but they dont realy know him, dun really have a close relationship with him..
Am I the one, Lord?

Mark [14:3-8}
A woman brought an expensive jar of perfume and pour it on Jesus. The crowd saw it, and said : ' what a waste, the perfume could be sold and take the money to give it to the poor'
But Jesus knew the hearts of the people. They use givng the money to the poor as an excuse of not wasting that perfume.

The crowd used some earthly treasure to replace Jesus Christ, Regarding the perfume, is more important then Jesus. And they were with Jesus all day, yet they don't know the Heart of Jesus..Some people say they're doing it for charity. But it's more for their personal agenda. In truth, they simply dont understand the heart of God
Am I the one Lord?

Matthew [26:31-35] and [26:69-75]
When everything was good and smoothsailing, peter said : ' i will never deny you, Lord Jesus'
But when Jesus was arrested, some guys recognised peter as Jesus disciples, then, Peter denied Jesus three times : ' I dont noe that man!'

Some people declare that they will never leave Jesus. But when troubles and danger come, they choose to reject him
AM I the one Lord?

Matthew [26:17-25]
Judas is one of JEsus disciples, handpicked by Jesus to be one of his 12 disciples... therefore, he should noe the heart of Christ better tehn others, but he betrayed him...
Judas asked : 'Surely not I, Lord?'
Jesus answered : ' Yes it is you'

Some people were with Jesus thw whole time, heard his Word, saw His miracles and even ate at the same table with Him. But, They sell Him out for worldly wealth...
Am i the one Lord?

Matthew [26:47-56]
Jesus was arrested... Peter Drew a sword and cut the ear of a high priest off.. In the eyes of man, this act seems to be right because he is protecting his master. Jesus answered: Do you think I cannot call on my Father to send 12 legions of angels to protect me?'

Some people rely on themselves to do what they think will please God. But theey are unkowingly Satan's helpers to block God's will.
Am I the one Lord?

Luke [23:1-4]
Matthew [ 27:20-26 ]
Where is Justice.. Pilate found no crimes of Jesus, but in order to please his people, he washed his hands off Jesus and let them crucfiy him... indirectly, he have crucified Jesus.

Some people know that a perosn is innocent, but under the pressure and threats of others, they choose to crucify the innocent.
Am I the one Lord?

John [19:16-21]
Matthew [27:45-54]
Some people may call Him their King and Lord. But they despise and jeer at Him in their hearts. They cause Him to recieve the fate of a wicked criminal while the guilty walks free..
Am I the one Lord?

Were YOU there when HE was CRUCIFIED???

2007-04-05T20:54:00.000+07:00

SIN...

Today was my last day in the kindergarten before i go NS, and i am going NS next monday, so this may be my post for the next 2 years...

This entertainer called uncle paul came and do this magic trick... he tie a loop which represent sin to a rope... which represent our life.... so , when it is tied, the loop cannot be seperated from the rope... but when he covered it with a piece of red cloth, which represent the blood of Jesus Christ, the loop came out, the life of the man became without sin... Jesus have took away the Sin.. The rope is without any loops anymore... No sin...

Came to me that, without Jesus, it is totally impossible to remove Sin from our lives, what u have done, means u have done.. what u curse, lie, steal, lust, anger, covet of... Are examples of sin... And we will carry the guilt of the Sin

But Jesus took it away... when he died.. He forgave us, washed us, and we could leave a life of sin, to live a life without sin.

initially i find this concept very puzzling, but thanks to that illustration uncle paul made, it became clear... Now i noe what it meant...

Funny thing is that, after i live a life of christ, Sin is still eveitable...

so my life becomes like this, a rope, with hoops, then I repent, Jesus took the Sin away, be a new guy, and then go back to be a bad boy again, having loops in my life... then i repent and remove the loops again...

It becomes a cycle, and with each cycle, Jesus seemed to Sigh much louder... Can u take that guilt of yours? I dont think i can take the guilt of mine... that guilt, is worse then punishing u right on the spot, because the guilt eats u from inside out...

I try to keep the rope of mine with no loops... bery difficult, but i noe it can be done, because Jesus have done it...

I pray that you could do the same...

May we pass this 2 years test and still hold strong...
May God watch over you

2007-03-29T13:41:00.000+07:00

discipline...

That is one thing that seems to give me everything i wanted. when doing the correct things at the correct time...

Discpline,

to train
to do quiet time
to eat
to sleep
to work

it basically puts everything back into order when it is out of order and maintain it that way,
making life, more simple, less struggling, and more enjoyable, with its tempting rewards.

I used to lead a rather disciplined life.

Actually, i would say it was my golden years if i am old...

Grades were up, friends were there, problems settled. body fit.

Something haunted me then till now was someone i met then, someone, who i refused to help ,and now, leading a life, where well, not a normal Good teenager life.

I would have been able to help. I would have been there..

It haunts me back, thinking that, im not strong enough, not disciplined enough to help those people.

im gainning my golden years back...

2007-03-25T20:43:00.000+07:00

hello.. Long time no blog... glad to see that pple are reading this again...

i've come to a point where i find out that being a christian, is the hardest than being any other religion.

Unlike others, Christianity, not just a religion where u only have to go thru rituals of worship..

Not a religion where u can forsake your everyday life and focus on only the thing u believe in...

Neither we could do evangelism the Hard way... Forcing and stuff...

ANd worst of all, The world persecutes christians...

A very Godly woman once told me, do not blame the people who persecutes Christ, for they do not know what they are doing, just like what Jesus shouted to the Lord when he was crucified, 'Heavenly Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing'

Forgive them..

how hard is to be a christian! and even harder to be a true follower of Jesus.

Therefore, We should not call ourselves christians lightly. Cause when u bear the name Christians, you are following Jesus.. And Truly, you really have to be like the apostles, leave your life of sin and follow him. do what he do, eat what He eats, sleeps where He sleeps.

I feel that i am unfit to call myself Christian... and even more unfit to be saved by Christ, to be forgiven by Him and to be his disciple.

But because He doesnt care who I am, or what I have done, He still loves me... And he does the same for you too... (yes even non-christians, persecuters and even sinners)

Its hard to be a christian, but i can proudly say to the world, I am one of them...

2007-03-15T16:49:00.000+07:00

It happend when im going to cycle to TTc and Going to cycle back home...

It started raining, heavily.. Very heavily.. And it was pouring... so scary...

I was armed with a cap, a bag, a plastic bag that wraps round my valuables, and a shirt to wrap round my bible, my journal, and my notebook for a special someone.

And i cycled home..

It was poring, slippery, and cold... I was praying that God could bring me home safely..

And then a Lighting flashes over my head.. i prayed : 'God, being me home safely, my purpose in life is not done yet... Help me... '

And after many flashes and many prayers, i was at home...

During me bathing, i reflected about my prayer... And found out that God was speaking to me through that Journey... He said: 'What's your purpose? why arent you showing me then?'

I have been procrastinating... Speaking one day i will do this and this, that and that, and then, i didnt... Why not let the one day be today?

And i found out another thing.. in order o complete my purpose in my life, i need someone to help me, stand by my side... Its not good for man to be alone... And yes, i guess the call is for Wens...

No matter how much i dislike eachother suaning and stuff, We somehow, no choice always, end up being together... maybe thats God purpose for us, to learn to live with each other, instead of competition, suaning, and despising, why not we compliment, encourage and support?

It always have been a great enigma for me tthat why i always end up doing stuff with him... truly i tell you, i disliked his company... But maybe its time for us to learn to do things together, to cover each other's short comings... to learn to trust each other and leran to be more like XUAN... When he is thirsty and lazy go to the well, i go fetch the water for him, when he is having trouble fighting the lazy monster, i fight with him, when we see each others' shortcomings, lets defeat each others monster.. and its hard, to always but up a strong front, and having some ego competieon, lets kill our ego and humble ourselves to the mud...

That is the purpose GOd is calling me to do, first, to grow godly with each other, next for a grand mission that He will later send us to...

I'm sorry Wens, for all the things i have done in the past... And i dont want to put up a strong front in front of u anymore, i dun want to act, i want to trust you, and if u are truly my brother, please help me to do so. Yes, there may be slips and falls, but could we pick each other up and grow Godly together? Cause i think i heard God's calling and he have a Great purpose for us, and we have to do it together.. And this is our preparation stage...

I'm willing to change, are you?

2007-03-13T17:04:00.000+07:00

It happened when we were in TTC helping out to stick some labels to some letters...

we were sticking and sticking, then i finished and told wensley, come i help you..

and then,

the competition thing suddenly sets into both of us to win each other, to see who does it faster wins..

a kind of Ego type of thing...

i thing thats what its all about...

maybe its time where i meet some one with my own character...

all those time, all the pple ard me are well, 'lost' in certain way, and now, i have to be the underdog.

'Live with it' He says.

i think we have to take time to change both our character to a better man...
Bring our ego down, and then humbly serve one another...

aint easy.. gotta try

2007-03-08T19:25:00.001+07:00

some things are worth waiting for...

2007-03-08T18:43:00.000+07:00

Hihi...

you now at times where u feel its useless to update your blog... an unexpected person pops up and then tell u that they have been reading it... that keeps the drive going isnt it?

ya... so i guess this entry i talk about my church attachment...

YAY!! i was attached to the COGS kindergarten.. v v v v fun!!! just keep playing with the kids one.. then they love to play with me... they think that i'm superman because of the superman bag i carry.. haha... v funny

this Kid called Malcolm drew me a picture and gave me an increibles sticker... v cute... although it anyhow scribble, it just melts your heart... they just love unconditionally... mush to learn from them... well, i think i giving this treasure the kid gave me to a special someone too...

ya another Kid Walywin, super duper cute sia.. V chubby and stuff i love squisshing him... And he dont eat meat.. wonder how hw become so big... VVVV funny face he have...

Well, the smart Kids are the Girls, Rachael and Sonia... Sonia have hair that never seems to get flatten, so she looks like she have bad hair day everyday, she laughs non stop once amused... haha... Rachael is a smart kid, she study primary one in k2... Kiasu.. ya.... but she love the rocket jumping thing... i carry her and let her fly.... hahha... vVVVVvvv fun..

such kids ah.. no matter who.. i automatically fall in love with them cause they do the same to me... and ya, its Agape.. unconditional... if anyone is in danger, i may even throw my life to save them.... cause its worthwhile...

just like how God sees us, and throws his Son's life away to save us....

I'm learning how to Agape too...

2007-03-06T19:29:00.000+07:00

hello...

just change that account of my to blogger beta, they say its much better, according to the webmaster...

anyway, i noe i say alot alot of times le... but i want to repeat... PRAYER WORKS!!!!

i prayed when i collect my results...

i prayed for you...

And it all worked... it all worked... praise the Lord.. it works...

anyway.. things have been good for me.. yupz... even though im at bad times, like family crisis and stuff.. put we can find God's peace (shalom) among them.. and thus.. using this view.. im happy...

well, im still a bit lost of what course i am going in uni... but i guess, i pray for direction lor...

After serve, my enthusiasm for God like fading.. i guess i have to find that first love for God also

yeah...

woots... its the follow up time...

mean while... enjoy this sm 3 new picture!!!

I love you too...

2007-02-28T20:14:00.000+07:00

It is GOd sent really...

I was praying that wat i shld do if bad results in Alevels

then

Ms chong came talking to me on MSN and i worked out the optoins..

it aint that bad after all...

Of course i do hope i will get good results..

Just planin plan B...

continue praying k...

I also got pray for you...

2007-02-27T18:57:00.000+07:00

My heart is breaking faster every second...

you know why? Cause every second it is nearer to 1430 hours in 2 march...

The REALESE OF A LEVELS!!!!

unbelieveable right... so soon liao...

if i dun do well, i also duno where i am supppose to go...

And what irritate me more are the people who seemed far too confident or haven no care cause they think they gonna make it...

Cause they didnt screw the papers like me...

welll... if i dont do well, shld i retake? or go poly, or go NIE or SIM?

i duno... many options, but nothing beats going NUS or NTU straight after NS...

Gosh, im so afarid.. i think i gonna pray very very hard...

2007-02-26T08:35:00.000+07:00

i'm trying to post something but i duno wat i should say...

cause currently, i noe people who are reading this and well, some of them i dun want them to noe too much...

so gotta be careful with my choice of words...

have u ever have friends who think that they are holy but u have every reason to say that they are not and yet they are soo good at some rebuking skills that they are able to make u speechless? complicated and irritating...

yeah...

anyway, i was thinking of trusting on God...

Mark 11:24 :Therefore i tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have recieved it, and it will be yours.

I guess that everytime we pray, over meals, before sleep or even in the morning, we must pray it seriously and that believe whatever we pray will happen, because God is faithful, whatever u pray, he answers.

Well, sometimes he may take quite long to answer you prayers, however, you do noe that he will answer, and also when in some situations where it seems totally impossible for you for that thing u prayed to happen, it will eventually happen! Cause with God, nothing is impossible.

All you have to do is to trust in God.

It aint easy to do that above statement, its just like hoping kinda thing, especially when it feels like ages, very very long time, like u prayed day before and till now haven answer kinda thing, but no fear, God is faithful, how much do you trust him?

i also noticed something, Sin causes our prayers to be delayed, yup... When isrealites was against God, it delayed their arrival to the promised land. When peter denied Jesus, it takes a while before Peter really turned out to be the Rock of the church. How great our Heavenly Father is! he didnt cancel away our blessings because of sin! He only merely delayed our blessings...

Love the Lord your God with all your mind, your soul and your strength.

Are you still praying?

2007-02-23T21:21:00.000+07:00

oh.. last day of SERVE, sigh... so sad, so manythings happened... i gonna miss damn loads.. fortunately we formed a cell group and it is starting soon..YEAH!!! haha..

and i finally got a chance to partake the Holy Communion... yup.. tiday.. all servers, holy communion... woots..

Ps fu man commended me, about that particular server who dont get baptised unless his parents got baptised, strong faith to make that statement. and also hope that everytime he partake the holy communion, he will ask : oh, God, when will our family be baptised....

yupp... i really grown sooo much... i grown as a leader, as a friend, as a christian, and i am glad... i am soo glad...

it seems so long that ever since i can live life without worrying its problems because i hand all of them up to God, its great you know..

Oh, and God is faithful, i just received another Air force letter asking me to go back and take another postion for WSO, the guy that sits behind the pilot... aint that great? he answers the prayers... woots..

I pledge allegiance to the Lamb

take care of yourself in camp ok? God Bless

2007-02-21T18:57:00.000+07:00

oh.... i'm so gonna be dead trm..

Ps fuman says that he will address this scadalous issue trm... and somehow, i duno why i received so many wide grins...

wondering how do u feel?

yeah.. and im sooo tired today... u noe, just one of those days u dun feel like talking to anyone, come online to pass time and then go to bed...

Then it also those time u grow fustrated, wating for some ones's reply...

sianz.. i wondering if she is ignoring me or wat...

i think i need to pray alot alot... haha...

2007-02-20T20:23:00.000+07:00

i wish that u have a blog or something, so at least i can read what are u thinking about...

today we went to ps fu man place, unfortunately, not all of the cross carriers are here, yeah... and i miss them already... although its like a few days...

anyway, we had fun, i intro them the game that Ben and xuan taught me, CIRCLE OF DEATH... haha..

and tingjun puked... he drank too much i guess...

then went to priscar hse.. we played CIRCLE OF DEATH, food version, one wing, one tart, one fry kinda thing.. rather dumb.. but rather wierd too.. no kick... everyone likes the drinking one beter..

fu man is a great drummer.. a diff face of him i guess. but its freaking kool... u seen bing bum boom with his cymbals and stuff... and i tried playing the drums, and then they thoguht me this rather woerd move, 1,2,3,4 bam bam bam bam.. rather wierd.. like got fits like that, mmy body nv listen to my mind... ya...

rather fun today la.. ya.. and i saw a heart shape cloud in the sky today when i was praying in the bus..... so romantic right... lol..

went home early to meet my parents la... they had their fun at their frens place also...

ang pao value drops as u grow up...

days seemed to pass slower... i duno why...

2007-02-19T19:51:00.001+07:00

point to note : when no one tag my board doesnt mean no one's reading it, cause few pple came to told me :' i read ur blog and ... ' especially on the gossipy issues of my life..

ok, this post is dedicated to a certain someone i met in some point of my rollercoaster life...

1 corinthinans 13:4-7
Love ispatient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. I does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes , always perserveres.

how hard is it to really love somebody.
Often especially for us guys, it is so easily for u to mix lust with love. especially when in a relation ship...

Some one once told me that Lust is actually to WANT
While love is actually to GIVE

Lust for the girl, want her looks, her fame, ur reputation, to show ur fren
Love for the girl, want to give her comfort, provide her needs, do watever u can for her, and most importatnly, does not stumble ur relationship with God.

Its really hard to love some one truly, satan often comes by and stir lust and love together. and that is why there is so many relationship problems arising in our youthful age.

just ask urself, if ur gf or bf swap bodies into a ugly guy or girl, would u still love her?

I had just watch hot chick the movie, and thats why i have all such thoughts.. and i believe that many youths like me does have such problems too...

Pray to God, and it really works miracles, for he is the God of romance...

I duno wat to do anymore... Can u help me?

2007-02-19T19:51:00.000+07:00

2007-02-17T21:00:00.000+07:00

I hate Cny, where people got all wierd and panicky and started to do spring cleaning, people get so fustrated and try to prevent them selves to flare up... The red colour everywhere seems to fuel the anger, and also that they have all the wierd relatives meeting up without talking, and all those relatives u see once in a year, in fact u all just don't like each other. and also, it is all trying to stumble Christian values. With all the gambling and such...

Moreover, red packets fuel greed of money. All those burning of joss paper and joss sticks pollute the air like crap, making me headache. and the worst of all is... it last for freaking 15 days...

A season to be jolly? more like a season to be folly.

I pray so much man.. like every fustration i sense from anyone i pray to God, to help my family and the community. it is so hard to pray especially u are in a non-christian environment... u got to pray while u eat in ur heart and stuff... but every time i prayed, i felt peace. shalom...

my mum ask me to pray with her also, and so i did.. i hope my dad will do the same so we all can accept christ...

anyway, i cant wait the CNY holidays to end so i can go back to serve.... then can have some fun in meeting the rest of the group and make more Fabemily jokes....

sigh... wed seems so long away.. and trm is a Sunday...

Are you the one that we can sustain a Godly relationship? i've been praying you know? then how will i know the answer? You have been so special...

2007-02-16T21:23:00.000+07:00

GOd have a funny method of making us human look like fools...

and i looked like a Fool man...

opps... sory pastor, not talking bout u...

anyway...i found out that my group in serve is FANNNNTAASTIC!!!!...

almost cried when we depart..

before that the stay over, i prayed like siao for God to make our gp better, it seems not getting better...

Then after the stay over, we became inseperatable...

we see the wonders of God, and the power of prayers, it strengthen my faith..no, not talking bout u faith...

ya... i thank God man... thank God for Xinling Zhe ying Fabian fabien ben gerald sarah lorraine faith and ting jun kai min hui ru..

Cross carriers forever...

2007-02-04T18:30:00.000+07:00

Whewww... remind me next time what type of programme i am going to sign up for.

I aint complainin but it is seriously, erm... giving me a headache.

my capable Assistant leader is leaving.... and that means it is left to me on what to judge and our groups direction.

oh did i mention that my views are often not accepted by my gp? yeah....

Shared with the NS cell (cross-roads) about my problems today, guess what? pastor fuman came and listen to what i was saring.. shucks! he knew what i'm complanin about... but nevermind, at least it was my frank opinion about things...

I got rejcted from being the pilot. i recieved the darn letter....

thats why this few days abit down, so many bad things happen to me.... juz hope that my results will not turn out bad too...

God, what do you want me to do?

Everyone falling sick, even wens and me.... yupx... and CNy is coming, tell u the truth, i hate CNY besides collecting red packets... the atmosphere is so tense always... hate it.. i prefer Christmas...

Have been skipping quiet time and spent my time on too much unecessary things. i guess i have to redo a schedule for myself and make myself more discpline... have a time to quiet down and be still and listen what God is trying to tell me....

I wish God could juz sms me of what he wants....

2007-01-26T19:44:00.000+07:00

yay...

i finally won pool fair and square, hit in the last black ball without entering the white...

funny thing is that, i suppose to be berserkingly happy but i aren't...

i guess, sometimes when u want something so much, u practise practise and finally when u got it, it feels like nothing at all...

earthly treasures where the moth and rust destroy...

my mood swings are getting more and more stable already... one word to describe my mood: sian. think off the brightside it aint that bad after all...

still cant think of anything for Junorita yet... neither do i have the money.

everything is still screwed up and messy now...

i hope i can have the determination and endurance to change everything back to normal.

i need some sleep... ZZzzzZZZzzzZZZZzzzzzzzzz

and sleep how long also not enough... i think i like lost my soul or something, body and mind moving, yet spirit, dead... a dead corpse typing...

pls ressurect me!!

2007-01-25T19:15:00.000+07:00

i am so tired...

getting weary and stuff..

serve is sucking my energy dry...

they say NS BMT must train now, if not sure fail..

but i dun have the motivation or determination to train... how?

Die die die...

oh heavenly father, what have u planned for me? i would liked to noe...

2007-01-21T16:51:00.002+07:00

Today, God spoke...

this is what he says:

Son, It's time.Get up on your feet, start planning master planner, be hardworking , disciplined and work to wards ur destination to become the man i want u to be, christ-like.

yeah, and that is what i am working towards to...

i found out some of the sorces of distractions which normally initiate to sin, like for example, being with wensley means feel like angry with him.. aiya, dont noe how to say, what i feel towards him is anger missed with several other things like concern.. so very hard to describe..

and also, keeping my self away from the computer.. try to stop wasting time in it...

Jesus said, if your eyes cause u to sin, dig it out and throw it away.. thats what i am doing..

anyway, i think after every serve i must relax for a while, slow down, and think of the lessons, cause if got intense lessons, i think i'll end up hating knowing God onli...

thats all... Shalom to all...

i find myself unworthy of thy love, thats why i'm afraid to look up to u....
but deep down inside i love thee...

2007-01-21T16:51:00.001+07:00