Why do we love?

my english o level exams is oming.. 9 nov.. this wednesday, a day after today... where other kids are worrying about whether they had played enough, im worrying about my exams.. and i noe that this is no ordinary exam. if i fail this, i will be kicked out of pjc, not a pioneer anymore, not a s21 cm any more, not part of the so2 gang any more... the price to pay if i fail is too high.. i couldnt afford it..

i remember when i first found out that i failed my english my 1st intention was to come jc, if fail again then nvm go mi and try again.. in the past i could say nevermind so easily to pioneer, leave and go.. but now, ive foster such strong bonds with the school, the people, my friends, i dun want to go. like mrs chua said. pjc is a sanctaury for everyone.. saving people from dark past and recover.. pple like me.. i dun wanna leave this place.. in order to do so, i MUST pass english..

unlike science or maths, where the ans are there for u to memorise and understand. eng is v unpredictable.. if that day i not at my prime and the marker also bad day then i will fail.. juz like before.. im soo afraid.. ive been wondering this right after my bday till now..

and eversince the day that yvonne zoey wens RJ and kengloog celebrated my bday, the more i couldnt bear to leave them, they are actually the frens ive been waiting and hoping for.. and now they are with me, the fear of a possibility that i may leave them lies there.. im afraid to lose them.. i cant leave them yet.. there are so many things not yet to say to them, not yet been done, not yet to do for them and now, if i fail, i leave

and i noe if i ever to leave, even though we can meet up, things will never be the same again, we will not talk the same way anymore. do the same things.. ive choose the wrong choice of not staying inthe class.. im not gonna choose the wrong choice again... i Must stay.. no matter wat.. yet the fear lies within me, telling me that u still might fail. i dont understand how did i fail also.. all along, my english had been acceptable.. suddenly, i become some sort of alien which does not noe such a language.. argghh!!!

i kept praying.. day till night.. hoping that i will pass this exam.. yes, pass.. not distinction.. just a pass woyuld be enuff.. pls god.. grant me pass.. arghh.. im willing to exchange 20 days of having eating vergetarian if i past.. i swear.. god pls.. help me..

plan b: if i fail, where shld i go? MI?poly? wat course? clouded the future is.. i really duno where to go.. god.. pls give me a smooth sialing path in my life.. continue my a levels in PJC as i have great plans ahead there...

Please let me pass my english once and for all..