Why do we love?

Yesterday was the grand finale of orientation, brilliant yet brief moment, glad for its brilliance, grief for it being brief... juz like life, no absoultes, but grey...

yesterday, during campfire, despite of the many endless problems i get, so many problems caused by my og and by others, so much fustration and stressful situation in the air, yet, i enjoyed it..

i enjoyed finding different solutions to so many problems, i love teaching my OG all those crap things that i do, spreading my cai xiang culture to every single nootka, to let tham have fun and placing their faith in pioneer...

during the finale, which is supposed to be the campfire, i let go myself, i let go all those hatred and fustrations i had during the whole duration, i let go of all the bad times we had and the disagreements

but somethings that could never be let go was the fun times we had, how i was thrown into the mud by the j1 and ogls, the funny outings, the pranks, the cheers, the friends, the nootkas, the college, my world...

i loved them all, a sense of attachment that i know will hurt so much if i was ever forced to leave,
now its the end, we can do nothin but hope and pray that the bonding made will remain with us always..

when i pinned the college badge onto the guys of 25, the guys of crabbie, i nearly cried, its like suddenly ur heart twitch so much.. i hugged every single guy i pinned on, and told them to stay in pioneer with me.. hope they will, cze yang, kevin, alvin, wei liang, yi liang, joshua, and many others... even those not in my og, marvin, you renn, many many more..

such events will always hoped that it last forever, but we know that it will iinevitably slip pass us with time, all we could do is place all the things that happened in our mind, for eternal life...

you killed her because, finally, when you could have saved her, when you could have gone away with her, when you could have been thinking about her, you were thinking about yourself...
It is in this blazing moment that you finally understand the trap of the dark side, the final cruelty of the Sith-
Because now your self is all you will have.
~ Star Wars Revenge Of The Sith by Matthew Stover...