Why do we love?

Everytime in the Army i pray to get closer to God, and to know him better, He does it in a way that he breaks me to make me dependant on him.

Just like now, where i know i could have passed my IPPT test and SOC, but because i strained my muscle and i know it is impossible to recover before the test, i am most likely going to fail.. so i prayed...

Got a very bad feeling that i am going to be posted to a very very jiat lat unit...

and not going to be sergeant already...

Hearing bout Wens passing his IPPT makes me feel well, useless.. to tell you the truth i always thought that i was fitter then him, guess i was wrong...

God is putting me thorugh the Worst moments of my life.

Crazy Army life, stupid family matters, heavy load on my shoulders. Problems problems..

All i can do is trust in the lord, that through all this, he will train me to be some one he wants me to be..

Wens seems to be more prone to vulgarities now, even seems like he is speaking on his own..

im fighting against it still...

God, I really need yourr help, This 2 years, full of stumbles, trials and sorrows. i will not be able to make it through without your word and blessings, may you be with me and guide me along. I will not pray that i will be able to skip this 2 years, for as Jesus didnt prayed that he will be able to skip crucifixion. because if this is your will for us, then let it be done. because we know that you will bless us with strength and endurance and most of all wisdom to by pass this 2 hard years. may your will be done in me. Amen.