Why do we love?

You dont need pain to tell u that actually u are in trouble.. somehow, i can feel it..

at this point of time, although im like kinda blessed, i felt super duper terrible.. like living in a lifeless soul... yup.. thats me..

i look at the things i have yet i am not satisfied, why? because i couldnt gain any satisfaction.. i felt condemned, felt negelected..

i have so many things now, the love of my family, the wonder of my companion, the wealth that govt gives, the freedom to wander or buy anything, yet.. i felt dead..

i felt lifeless..

i have been neglecting God from my life, no quiet time, not even obeying his word..
going against every values that i was built for, built to become...

and i juz find it easy to ask for forgiveness, but hard to repent...

really really need a lot of prayer and help..

and behind the facade i put to let others see im fine in church,
deep inside guts are rotting...

yup..

i need to find him Jesus in this mist... sorry Lord, come back to my life, my relationship, be one in me so i could be like u again...

I gotta do something..

but what?